Posted by Penny on December 10, 2003, at 13:57:37
My boss finally came in my office and asked me about the newsletter that should have been done about a month ago. It hasn't even gone to the printer yet, and now that it's the end of the year and holiday time, it probably/definitely won't get printed until after the first of the year.
And it's all my fault. I know it. I procrastinate, and waste time, and now he's upset with me and I have no one to blame but myself.
And, really, it makes me want to go home and take a handful of pills and say to h**l with it. I just don't think I can do this anymore. I know I deserve for him to be upset with me. He's been nothing but patient, and, yet, I can't seem to get anything done. And I knew this was coming. I KNEW IT. Yet, I continued to put off and put off. I deserve to be fired. I know that. And I won't be surprised if I am.
I can't do this anymore. My T says not to say that I "can't." But I can't. There has to come a breaking point, and I'm almost there. And no one knows how to make it better. Because it's an internal problem - it's MY problem. I AM the problem.
I wish I was dead. Really. I wish I could just lie down right now and die without any effort.
What am I going to do??? Call my therapist? Call my pdoc? So they can say what?
Something is seriously not right with me, and I know it, but I don't know what to do about it. And I expect that my boss will want to talk with me further at some point soon, but I don't know if I can face him. I feel like my world is ending. And it's all my fault.
:-((
P
poster:Penny
thread:288437
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/288437.html