Posted by Susan J on September 17, 2003, at 13:51:37
In reply to Helpful hints for stopping self-torture?, posted by kara lynne on September 15, 2003, at 21:32:01
Hello, I know I'm always late responding to your posts. You must be a nightowl. :-)
> I'm able to handle it all much better if I picture him alone, or--um--disabled. The minute whoever she may be enters the picture I am reduced to sawdust.
<<I get that jealous type of hurt, too. But *if*, and it's only an *if*.....If there is another woman already, she gets:-an angry man
-an apparent workaholic
-a very self-centered man
-a man prone to doing drugs and all of the emotional muck that can go along with drug use
-and whatever else was wrong with him.Doesn't sound like much of a prize to me. :-)
He's not going to be perfect overnight because the two of you are not together. In fact, I'm sure there were things about *you* that helped make him a better person, and those traits, in your absence, are probably on their way down to the gutter already.
And if he hasn't been able to gain maturity, humility, sobriety, and compassion, I'm not thinking too many women are going to find him that attractive....
My ex is *gorgeous.* Weight lifter, amazing clothes, great car, great house, great money, all the superficial things women can be attracted to initially. It *killed* me to think of him with another woman. Especially since I don't consider myself that good looking and I imagined him in the throes of passion with some model-looking chick. Sux. :-(
But you know what? He's still so damaged emotionally he hasn't even been out on a date! It's been 4 months......I know he's got women throwing themselves at him. And the few times I know about that he's asked someone out, they've turned him down. He's still too much of a mess to get it right.
Could be similar with your ex, you know. He's got some problems. He's got some big problems....
And even *if* there is another woman, if he's got any humanity at all, he's just doing time with her. If you guys spent so much time together, there's no way he could be *emotionally* open to another woman.
It's not as rosy a picture over on his side as you are imagining. I've got a feeling he's in his own little he** right now....
Keep the faith,
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:260451
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/261038.html