Posted by Emme on July 11, 2003, at 23:01:26
In reply to yet another bad day it seems, posted by yesac on July 11, 2003, at 10:39:52
Your pdoc needs to know about your suicidal thoughts. If you are close to acting on them, please please, go to the hospital. Even if you don't feel close to acting on them, they are a barometer of the level of pain you are in. Tell the doc about them when he gets back. I find it's terribly hard to talk about these things, so I sure understand why you didn't mention them at your visit.
> Of course, there's always my therapist. I feel hesitant to call her because... I don't really know, I just do. For one thing, she has never said to call her if I need to, which I know they don't have to say but it makes me feel less guilty and pathetic about it. I just wish that I could feel more sure about her.
How are your sessions with her? Does she seem kind and responsive when you are there? It's always nice to have that verbal reassurance that you can call her, but she may be taking it for granted that you know you can call her. With your pdoc away, she's the first line of defense. You need some words from a friendly voice to help break through some of the isolation of the depression. The board, of course, will give you as many written words as possible! :)
> I feel alone, like no one is really there for me, no one can help me. It is so ridiculous to have all these mental health professionals in my life but it isn't enough. And all the medication trials and adjustments and everything. I'm so sick of it all.Hoo boy. Yeah, it's tough. And the nature of depression is that it's isolating.
>
> It's all so f'ked up. I think I might possibly be making myself feel worse by rambling on like this though.This sounds a lot like the frightened, cornered feeling I get when I've gone whoosh - down the rabbit hole of despair. Keep writing here and don't feel bad AT ALL about how much you give or take. People come and go and give and take at different times. If I recall correctly, you've written kind posts to people. You contribute. Don't add any more guilt or bad feelings to your plate. Keep on posting and I do hope the weekend will be okay for you.
Emme
>
poster:Emme
thread:240420
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/241059.html