Posted by fallsfall on July 11, 2003, at 19:24:07
In reply to yet another bad day it seems, posted by yesac on July 11, 2003, at 10:39:52
> Well, I saw my doc first thing today, and we ended up doing pretty much what I knew we'd do, which is go back up on lamictal and go up on parnate. But I just feel bad because I didn't mention my suicidal thoughts as of late, and how when I was at home last week I kept having this thought that this could be the last time I see any of these people and the state and my kitty and all of it, and no one knows but me. I didn't mention that. I don't know why. Or even if it matters, but it seems like I should have said something.
It can be helpful for your pdoc and your therapist to know about your suicidal thoughts. Are these just thoughts, or are you thinking about acting on them? If they are starting to sound like a really good idea then you probably want to give someone a call. I would probably start with your therapist. I'm sure that if you are not usually suicidal that she wouldn't mind at all that you call. (If you are usually suicidal, then I'm sure you've talked about what to do). The Worst that could happen is that your therapist could not answer, or tell you to call the crisis line. Can you call someone in connection with your DBT class? The crisis line can be helpful, too. When I've called someone because I was suicidal, I've found them to be really nice. Sometimes they could calm me down, or give me a tool to use that helped me (my favorite was to draw a picture - crayons smell so good - that let me express what was bothering me). Sometimes they told me to go to the hospital (that was a good thing, too. It really helped). Noone ever got mad at me for calling.
And now he's leaving for a week apparantly, so I feel like it will be bad for me to know he's not reachable. Of course, there's always my therapist. I feel hesitant to call her because... I don't really know, I just do. For one thing, she has never said to call her if I need to, which I know they don't have to say but it makes me feel less guilty and pathetic about it. I just wish that I could feel more sure about her. I hate this feeling of unsureness. I think it's holding me back, and it just makes me feel more depressed.
What are you unsure about with your therapist? How long have you been seeing her?
>
> So anyways, I started off the day on a bad note. Then I called my DBT group facilitator to discuss how I don't feel "into" it and she wasn't too helpful, just said I should talk to my therapist, said it is probably the depression, stuff like that.
>
Why was your conversation with the DBT facilitator "on a bad note"? What did you want her to say? In what way do you not feel "into it"?> I feel alone, like no one is really there for me, no one can help me. It is so ridiculous to have all these mental health professionals in my life but it isn't enough. And all the medication trials and adjustments and everything. I'm so sick of it all.
>
Boy do I understand that paragraph!!! All the drugs, all the people, but still you feel lousy. When you figure out how to fix this, let me know.> I feel like this weekend could be really bad and I'll feel very alone and possibly desperate. I feel somewhat disconnected from my family and best friend, and my roomate situation is hellish although at least one of them is leaving today for a week. My doc will be away. I don't feel like I can call my therapist, although I suppose maybe I would if it really came down to that. Or I could do some wacked thing like hunt down my old therapist and call her, but that's so unethical in their minds, and I feel like she'd just say call a crisis number, which would make me feel worse.
>
Your family and best friend would be logical choices to talk to. What do you mean that you feel "disconnected"? What would happen if you called them?> It's all so f'ked up. I think I might possibly be making myself feel worse by rambling on like this though.
>
> I also feel bad because on the board it seems like I just take take take - post about my own sorrows but don't respond much to other people. Sometimes, I am interested but just don't have a worthy response. Other times I can't get myself to read some of the posts because I think that they will depress me or they are too long or I just don't get the chance. How hypocritical. But I feel bad about that. It's not that I don't care.Don't worry about us, each of us gets help from the board sometimes and gives help other times. You will have your turn. Right now, though, you are having a rough time, and you need some help. That is fine. If you aren't getting the help you need, please ask again - maybe we don't understand what you need.
Most of us have been where you are. It's no fun. People can help keep from sliding down the slope. Here's my hand. Hold on!
poster:fallsfall
thread:240420
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/241003.html