Posted by yesac on July 8, 2003, at 10:41:07
Well, I'm leaving tonight to go back to the place that has become my home. It is my home because it is where I live, where I am a resident of the state, where my job is, where my car is registered, where my therapist and psychiatrist are, where I am trying to set up a life for myself. But here is what it is not: a place where I have basically any friends or family, a place that I feel comfortable and connected to. My house is not all that cozy and "homey" feeling. The worst thing is the loneliness though. My main social interaction is at work. Most of the rest of the time I am alone and totally bored. I have been back up here (in NH, where I grew up - spent 16 years of my life here, which is a lot considering that I'm 24) with my family for the past week. I really have not had the best time actually, and I feel really bad about that, but I was just extremely depressed over the weekend and unable to really enjoy much. Now I'm already leaving and I don't feel like I got enough quality time with them and my cat, and I don't know when I'll be here or see them again. Today and yesterday I've felt better. But I am now just thinking about going back to the aloneness of my real life.
I don't know, guys. I'm sure I'll just fall back into it, but is that really a good thing? Maybe I shouldn't live so far from my family. It was my decision about a year ago to make this leap, but it hasn't gotten much easier in the 9 months I've lived there. I don't know how it's going to get any better.
poster:yesac
thread:240079
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/240079.html