Posted by kara lynne on June 18, 2003, at 0:27:22
In reply to Wendy, posted by kara lynne on June 17, 2003, at 20:27:55
Wouldn't you know, the part about the cooking really got to me. First of all he made it sound like he cooked five course meals for us all the time, and he's rarely home. When we first moved in together I said I wanted us to cook and eat healthier, and walk more and support each other in that (I was interested in starting to cook more). But right off the bat he was coming home most nights between 2 and 6am, and we were so remote from each other I lost the desire.
In the last few months we had dinner together a couple of nights a week, usually taking in from a couple of decent places. The other night he said that by him having to bring home food or prepare it, that he was assuming a feminine role. Therefore he naturally couldn't switch over to a masculine role and feel like making love to me. He launched into a tirade about how I've never cooked one meal for him (not true) and I started crazily thinking that my not cooking was the reason for the relationship's demise. I said, "Gee, I know a beautiful woman who doesn't cook at all, and has lots of sex and is getting married, why do you think that is?" He answered, "Maybe it's because she's beautiful."
So below the belt doesn't even begin to describe it. I guess this is his way of denying the reality that he is an overweight, diabetic, virtually impotent man with an almost non-existent libido. He has never made sex or communication around it a priority in the relationship. I really tried, but he could always use how difficult the subject was for him as an excuse not to do anything about it. It was plenty difficult for me too, but his denial controlled us.
I just got a message from him. He said he was sorry for saying hurtful things to me, but he just wasn't strong enough not to. He said we needed to talk because there were some "things going on". I'm sure it's that he's moving into this gorgeous new house and he needs to tell me so I can find somewhere to go.
The final humiliation. He gets to move into this unbelievable house, because he can afford it. We had originally looked at it together when we were still thinking about living together. What I get to move into is a step up from completely depressing. It just seems like he gets rewarded, somehow. For him it's all about the image. He can have his people over and impress them all and get some hot babe to cook for for all his off beat, artsy, Hollywood business contacts. I will be obsessively watching mindless television and doing nothing with my life.
That he did this to me less than two weeks before my exam blows my mind once more. Now he's trying to be civil, but I still don't know how to react. Mostly I don't want to go into desperation when he tells me he's going, which I know he is counting on. He likes to leave his women whimpering in his wake.
Whew. Didn't foresee the rant. Thanks for letting me carry on.
poster:kara lynne
thread:234326
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030617/msgs/234701.html