Posted by leeran on June 5, 2003, at 2:14:55
In reply to When God closes a door... » leeran, posted by whiterabbit on June 4, 2003, at 22:27:45
Oh Gracie . . .
Just a quickie here (nope - didn't work out that way).
If only we lived near one another -
Just think - we could share an Adderall and an alcohol-free margarita while we commiserate over all our unfinished projects. I know there's a perfectionist in me who aches to run free. But, there's this little disorder that always seems to get in the way. You see, I have ADD as well. Recently diagnosed. However, I still contend that I "caught" it from my kiddo and my ex-husband! LOL! Hey, it sounds good on paper.
In a sea of ADD'ers (my mom, although undiagnosed, included) I was the "responsible risk-taker." That d*mned Libra thing again. Responsibility tempered with riskiness. I was never sure whether I should dance out to the end of the limb or guard the tree trunk.
Somehow, I managed to graduate with honors (but the honor was taken away a few weeks later when the only "C" I ever had in college showed up on my transcript). After college I navigated a successful career for eighteen years, built/bought/decorated four homes, gave birth and raised (until I was fired from that job last week) the little brother I never had, and basically flitted from one distraction (and material "fix") to the next - never wanting to stop long enough to examine the shards of myself that I left in my own wake.
My accountant once characterized me as being able to stir the s*** just fast enough (and carefully enough) to not get any on me.
THEN, the hormones started to shift, little b******* that they are, and my stirring faculties became a bit erratic.
I've actually read that peri-menopause and menopause can exacerbate ADD (see copied and pasted below):
--------------------------------------
"Women, as well as girls, with ADHD may feel over-stimulated, overloaded and overwhelmed. Quinn says there are specific symptoms of ADHD in women:
Strong PMS symptoms
ADHD symptoms worsening at peri-menopause, in their late 30s, early 40s.
Chronic struggles with anxiety and/or depressed mood
Chronic problems with disorganization
Evidence is beginning to suggest that there may be a hormonal connection that causes the symptoms to wax and wane throughout the life cycle. For women, the best treatment is a combination of medication, along with psychosocial support, including support groups and therapy (ADDvance.com) that can help them with self-esteem issues, Quinn said."
http://abcnews.go.com/sections/GMA/GoodMorningAmerica/GMA020626Women_ADD.html
--------------------------------Shoot, nowadays I feel like I need a drool bib and a jet-powered enema just to make it to my noontime dose of Adderall. Thank goodness our little town has a noon whistle or I would never remember! I guess the $8K yearly tax bill goes toward something useful (oh yeah, that and hosing the vomit off the walkways every morning in the bar district).
But this isn't about vomit phobias. It's about ADD and hormones, or lack thereof.
"and this gives me more hope than I think I've ever had about anything."
Gracie, I am so glad that you can put a "name to the pain." When I was recently diagnosed it was as though a big, blustery sigh of relief reverberated through every muscle in my body. Everything suddenly made sense. The mismatched Rubik's tiles known as "my life" suddenly flipped in to some semblance of order.
I hit my peak in my early twenties and stayed fairly "even" until age thirty-five, then, the s*** that I had so masterfully stirred hit the proverbial fan by age thirty-nine.
Gracie, don't let this divorce suck the life out of you. It can happen so darned easily and we never see it coming. Divorce is (IMO) one of the great "cortisol robbers." I managed to cram two of them in a four year period, and to quote that radio crank caller DJ from Oklahoma (Roy D. Mercer) - "it weren't pretty."
My gut (probably more serotonin there than anywhere else these days) tells me you are a force to be contended with and you still have plenty of p*** and vinegar left in your veins.
You are right - God opens windows when he closes doors. So many times a knock is a boost but we just don't recognize it as such.
Someone once told me that a good marriage is one wherein both partners look out the same window and see the same thing. If that is so, then the binary twin to that concept must be that a "not so good" marriage is comprised of two partners who look out the same window and DON'T see the same thing - or worse yet, one partner who doesn't even know there's a window in the vicinity.
My heart (note: guts/heart much more stable than noggin) tells me that many picture windows are opening in your life (nah, I don't write Chinese fortune cookie copy for a living - but it's an idea).
Let the door slam shut and don't look back. As dear old Dad would say "church is over - gather up the hymn books."
Seems like you have a sign post in clear sight just beyond your windowsill, and it says something like "Now ready to move forward with good fortune, and of course, grace."
I am so happy for you. It never fails, your posts always fill me with hope. What a gift you have! You need to write a little book of "Grace-isms." Perhaps "How to Gracefully Navigate Life." This leaves the door (or window) wide open for the new age sequel "How to Gracefully Navigate this Life - and the Next."
Hey, I see a guest spot on Dr. Phil in your not-so-distant future (d*mn it - I'm going to get a job at that fortune cookie company if it's the last thing I do).
If I happen to get distracted (as I'm wont to do these hormoneless, heartbroken days) I would welcome (with great glee) an email (if you're so inclined) - PARENTHETICALLY speaking!
Here is one of my email addresses (I'll give you the ironic one): tidycloset at earthlink dot net.
Now, here's to creative ADD'ers who leap (and hit the ground running) from God's open windows.
Lee
poster:leeran
thread:229496
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/231557.html