Posted by shar on April 25, 2003, at 20:59:04
In reply to suicidal ideation - your thoughts, please, posted by mmcasey on April 24, 2003, at 14:32:18
mm,
I haven't read all the other posts, so this may be a repeat. It seems you are getting very close to the fine line between thinking it and acting it out. Sort of like driving a bit too close to the side of a cliff, or holding the razor just a hair above your wrist. Or...well, you get the idea.If you aren't 50 years old yet you shouldn't even be considering suicide seriously. That's my cutoff. I figure if you give life a half a century, and you've tried to get better, and haven't gotten better, and it's been pretty much awful for decades....then it's appropriate to consider suicide (not do it, consider it carefully and thoroughly). And, if you're at least 50.
Keep talking to your therapist. All that wanting to get rid of yourself probably should be directed outward to getting rid of the trauma, anger, angst, rage that leads to suicidal ideation.
Good luck,
Shar
> So, the other day, I was "toying" a lot with the idea of overdosing
> on some of my medications (trazodone and risperdal, to be
> specific). I was about 98% sure that I would NOT do it.
> But I still had this incredible urge to dump out all of the pills,
> place them in my hand close to my mouth. What I REALLY wanted
> to do was put them in my mouth, and not swallow. But I didn't
> do that because I didn't want to get them all soggy and then put
> them back in the bottle. I told my therapist about this incident.
> She was okay about it, but of course worried that I could easily
> just decide to put them in my mouth and swallow. She said it
> was an act to be taken "very seriously". I agree. But I really
> was not planning to actually swallow. I don't know really what the
> meaning and purpose of this urge is. I would not say that it
> makes me feel better or worse than not doing it. It's just
> really hard to resist, but I certainly don't feel like I am in some
> kind of trance or not in control of myself. What do you guys think?
> I'm just not sure what to make of it. I've done it other times, too,
> but this was the first time I really wanted to put them in
> my mouth.
poster:shar
thread:222030
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030421/msgs/222431.html