Posted by mair on April 24, 2003, at 17:21:45
In reply to Re: suicidal ideation - your thoughts, please » mmcasey, posted by leeran on April 24, 2003, at 16:33:28
I go through periods when I can't stop thinking about suicide - those thoughts seem so prevalent as to be oppressive.
I count myself as fortunate that my own suicidal ideations do not involve overdoses. I always imagine myself shooting myself. I don't own a firearm even though I've frequently thought I should buy one "just in case." I think buying a gun would be disastrous for me because I recognize that my suicidal urges are impulses. When I think things through more clearly and deliberately, I never see suicide as a viable or attractive option. But those impulses are strong.
It's ironic that the decision to commit suicide which is the most irrevocable decision one could ever make, is frequently acted upon without any real deliberation at all.
Since thinking about suicide does not mean I'm suicidal, I've sometimes been reluctant to talk about it with my therapist. I used to have a concern that she'd overeact. We've worked through this pretty well now, the result being that while never a comfortable topic, it's at least an acceptable topic. Now I think it's better if I do discuss my ideation with her when it's most oppressive. It seems to reassure me that one other person out there knows the depth of my despair even if I'm not at risk, and if things really do get out of hand, I might then be more likely to contact her.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:222030
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030421/msgs/222072.html