Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2003, at 3:26:22
In reply to Re: Handsome, looks, personality or BOTH? » bozeman, posted by bluedog on March 1, 2003, at 0:03:34
Well, of course handsome is in the eye of the beholder. Crinkly eyes, a largish nose, and nice long fingers are handsome to me, and they don't always come with other great features.
But if I can recall waaaay back in the days when I was looking... ;)
It was smart and funny every time. I had a professor who would really be on the ugly side if you froze him somehow and just took him feature by feature. He didn't even have crinkly eyes, a largish nose, or long fingers. But he was smart and funny and confident with himself, and he was just irresistable. To me at least, and to many others as I recall.
My husband has grown into a very good looking man now by any standards, while my looks have sadly declined. But when I decided to hunt him down like a gazelle to my cheetah, he wasn't at the peak of his looks. He always did have crinkly eyes and longish fingers. But he was smart and funny in a way that I thought meant that he would be able to not take himself too seriously. He wasn't particularly self confident, especially with women. But he was a decent, kind person. I never heard him join in the typical high school teasing of the class target. Smart, funny, and kind were all that I ever wanted.
I got him because it was at a time of my life when I wasn't quite myself. I was way bolder than usual, and had the confidence to go after him. He found that flattering, and enjoyed it enough to fall in love.
Is it possible that the type of woman who finds you attractive is a bit too shy to be as bold as I was? Maybe you need to be open to the possibilities a bit more and read the more subtle signs. In my less outgoing moods, I signalled my appreciation of a guy by avoiding him completely. :)
But in my circle of friends, the best looking people usually chose rather plain mates despite the interest from other great looking people. Obviously there is more going on with mating than just the display of plumage. (Although of course it doesn't hurt to be great looking - in any part of life. Didn't they do studies with beautiful people and trials and job opportunities?) And the biggest love story I know of was my grandparents. My grandma was never beautiful, but you'd never know it when you caught my grandpa looking at her. What he saw was the most beautiful woman alive.
So bluedog, you are funny and smart and kind. And there are women who find those qualities devastatingly attractive. But maybe they're not the same sort who find your brother attractive, and maybe the signals aren't as obvious.
But you know, bluedog. You hold the answer to your question. Do you only find extremely attractive women worth dating? Are you attracted to women who have other great qualities and then find their looks appealing because they are them. If you love someone, they start looking way more beautiful or handsome.
Do you think having a brother like that had anything to do with your social anxiety?
By the way, I haven't been looking for over twenty years now, so what I say may be total garbage. But I offer it for what it's worth.
poster:Dinah
thread:204787
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030223/msgs/204950.html