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Re: I miss my grandmom. » Tabitha

Posted by beardedlady on February 5, 2003, at 13:51:20

In reply to I miss my mom., posted by Tabitha on February 5, 2003, at 12:58:26

You must have been a fly on the wall at my therapy session today. This is exactly what we spoke about not two hours ago!

I'd been wondering if the subconscious remembers things when we don't, like anniversaries of deaths. I had a pregnancy end in the 8th week last year; I was due on my 40th birthday. From around that time until my daughter's birthday, my insomnia was awful. When it passed, I got a clue from a tv show as to what was bothering me.

But my insomnia began because of my inability to stop grieving. Like you, I have been hanging on for five years now. My dog died a month after my daughter was born, and my grandmother, who'd just been to my house to hold my girl, died suddenly (and probably from hospital mistakes) two weeks later.

We spent today's session talking about death and fear of death, fear of others dying, grief. My one dog just died before Thanksgiving. The fifth anniversary of my other dog's death is in two weeks; my grandmother's is two weeks later. (My mom had a recent bout of insomnia for one night. It wasn't until she got up after sleeping just two hours that she realized her best friend died that exact night two years earlier.)

Anyway, I'm rambling and don't have any answers for you. I understand exactly how you feel, though. And sometimes company is good for our misery.

Meditation and accupuncture are supposed to be good for both. My therapist has been pointing me in the direction of meditation for a long, long time. He's had some amazing results with it in his patients.

Oh, and about your dreams--I have had tons of dreams in which my grandmother comes back to life after years of being dead, only she was lost in an airport in another country and couldn't get back, or she had amnesia. It was always some misunderstanding. And when I'm up late, I still grab the phone to call her, out of habit.

The best poem I've ever written was a tribute to my grandparents--about things I found in the pockets of their old coats while we were settling the estate. Writing it was like a magic charm. I was able to let so much of it go. Maybe writing can help you a little, too.

Take care, Tabs.

Beardy : )>


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