Posted by bozeman on February 5, 2003, at 23:19:17
In reply to I miss my mom., posted by Tabitha on February 5, 2003, at 12:58:26
Hi Tabitha
I think that being "wired this way" is a protective mechanism for the species, so we can survive really traumatic circumstances and not just abandon each other (when a member of the "pack" falls off a cliff and is badly injured, so we will stay and nurse them back to health, even if it takes years, when it would be "easier" to just leave them at the foot of the cliff to die. So our gene pool survives, we are wired to not let go of our loved ones.)
But even if that's true, knowing it won't help you feel better. I too have noticed that every year around certain anniversaries (marriage date, divorce date, miscarriage date, ex husband's attempted suicide date, etc.) that I fall into a funk several weeks ahead of time. Unlike you, though, it took me over ten years to figure out it was happening. I try to be extra-gentle and nurturing toward myself at those times, and take advantage of the support of those I love (generally I'm much too independent to let anyone help me.) I also dream repeatedly of "unresolved" grief in my life -- having moved far, far away from home to go to college and never moved back home after graduation like I intended -- I have dreams of driving, driving, driving, trying to get there to see my parents, but I never make it. By the time I get there, they've moved or something. In my case, it's unresolved grief and guilt, though I know I "should" feel neither, I still do.
I don't know anything I can say that will lessen the pain of the very real loss you feel (like you said, your mom is still mom, no matter what.) What I can tell you is, I understand and empathize, and hope you can find something to support you through this difficult anniversary time.
Hope you feel better soon.
bozeman
>
> What's the point of being wired this way, to feel a loss for so long?
>
> I miss my mom. Crazy mom, depressed mom, manic mom, obsessed mom. Still mom.
poster:bozeman
thread:36405
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030201/msgs/36428.html