Posted by Tabitha on February 5, 2003, at 12:58:26
Hi all, my mom died in March '95 and every year when the anniversary approaches the deep sadness comes back. I feel adrift. Our relationship was pretty awful but it would be so nice to have a mom to be able to call up, like an anchor back to reality or something.
Last year I hardly noticed the anniversary so I thought maybe I was more over it, but this year it's worse. Just seems so unfair that someone is dead forever. In my irrational mind I'm like, OK, I've been putting up with this loss for so long, it's time for it to stop, it's time for mom to not be dead anymore, OK?
I just spend a month or two in a state where if I think about it for a second I'm in tears. And she visits me in my dreams, which is good but then I wake up and remember.
What's the point of being wired this way, to feel a loss for so long?
I miss my mom. Crazy mom, depressed mom, manic mom, obsessed mom. Still mom.
poster:Tabitha
thread:36405
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030201/msgs/36405.html