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Re: Fear of Meds - Jay-Essence

Posted by kath on January 23, 2003, at 18:44:23

In reply to Re: Fear of Meds - Jay, posted by Essence on January 21, 2003, at 7:10:45

Hi Essence,

Please don't beat yourself up about what you did or didn't do.

You made your decisions with your son's best interests in mind.

My ADD son will be 19 in March. I didn't want him to take meds. He quit school in Grade 10, started smoking weed, smoking, drinking. That led to using acid, E, "Special K", and all the while I thought I would go crazy. We live in Ontario. When he was 15 I would sometimes not let him into the home unless my husband was home because I never knew what or WHO my son would be when he came in. He wrote strange, hateful things in huge letters in black marker on his walls; he hung stuffed animals by nooses & impaled them with pencils....he punched holes in his door with his fist; he poked holes in his door with a decorational sword. Our life was crazy. He wouldn't go to school. He wouldn't get a job. We said - you live here, you go to school or get a job. He said NO. By law, we had to provide him with the 'necessities of life'. So we provided him with a sleeping bag, pillow & our car. (This was in Oct). I called Children's Aid & the police. They said it was okay. I'd put soup in a thermos in the car for him. After 3 days he got a job...and got into the house again. It was sheer hell. Over the years, he was in day-school for drug-using kids; spent 5 weeks in rehab 'way up north in Ontario; got kicked out of our home various times...moved to B.C. 2 summers ago...lost his job there; lived on the streets.....did E & K & chrystal Meth. Tried Cocaine & crack.

All the while, I had to KNOW that it wasn't MY FAULT.

He moved back to Ontario Dec. 2001. Was on the streets this past summer since he wouldn't get a job. Came in in Sept & guess what? He now has a job in the kitchen in a fancy Italian restaurant; loves it; is polite & pleasant; doesn't do hard drugs any more, although he does smoke weed & drink sometimes.

I guess what I want to tell you is that things WILL change & there IS hope.

You sound like a great parent. never doubt that. Don't beat yourself up over the past. You've done the very best you knew how to.

I am sure that things will turn out okay for your son.

I also am sure that the support you get here can be very helpful.

I wonder if there are any parenting groups in Nova Scotia. My husband & I got great assistance from the Association of Parent Support Groups of Ontario. It was invaluable.

Where do you live in Nova Scotia? My husband & I were just there last summer & I fell in love with it. We both did. My daughter lived in Hampton, near Bridgetown & Middleton. What a gorgeous province. We'd like to visit there again this summer.

Best of luck Ess. Kath xoxo

 

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