Posted by Essence on January 20, 2003, at 7:41:34
Hi;
I have never posted here, usually lurk and occasionally post on the drug forum. I really need some feedback and a place to express what I'm feeling of late. I will briefly fill you in on who I am. I am 42, married 24 1/2 yrs, have 2 sons, 21 & 15. I have suffered depression and anxiety since the birth of my youngest son in 87.
Now on to the reason why I am posting here. My youngest son was diagnosed as ADHD at a very early age, 2 yrs old, through mental health. I initially took him there because I couldn't handle him and feared hurting him. He always cried, was always cranky, never happy and never quiet. He demanded 24 hr watch as we never knew what he would get into next. He slept in a stroller next to our bed (he was able to get out of his crib at 9 mos old) so we could push it the numerous times he awoke in the night to get him back to sleep. This later changed as he got older and my husband took up residence in his bedroom at night to ensure he was sleeping and staying put and out of danger. Through the support of mental health, I had to learn new coping skills and learn different modes of behavioural techniques to cope with my son which initially had positive results. Having already started taking psychotropic medications myself for my depression and anxiety, I REFUSED to subject my son to any brain chemical changing meds. This decision has inadvertantly turned around to bite me on the ass. What I thought was an informed decision to not medicate my son (my fear of what the meds might do him) may have been his undoing as you will see in the following.
As I stated above, my son and I were followed through mental health for many years, until my son was about 9. Alot of strategies they recommended and the new coping skills they provided me were working so I thought I had this thing beat. I need to be slapped for even thinking it would that easy. At the age of 12 as my son entered Junior High, he started spiralling out of control. Since the age of 12 he has started smoking, was always in detention at school, became totally disrespectful of any adult and especially any adult in authority such as teachers, parents, grandparents, and cops, he would fly into rages for no apparent reasons and he also began running away from home whenever he didn't get his own way. He has failed the past 4 yrs in school. The school system just kept moving him up although as it stands right now, he only has a grade 6 education in grade 9 unless he starts to pass in High School (which he is already failing). Over the past 6 mos, he has been verablly abusive with me, continues to run away, has become destructive with our stuff, is now drinking and coming home drunk with no worries about his dad and I finding out about it. He has also gotten into trouble with the law for vandalizing a vacant building near where we live. Then in October, unknown to his father and I that he even had a girlfriend, he informs us his g/f is pregnant. So at the age of 15 he is going to become a father. It never once occured to me that this behaviour was related to ADHD until I took him back to mental health last month. Duh! How could I have not known?!?! I came home and researched ADHD on the net and was shocked, it was like the symptoms I read were directed solely at my son, it could have written about him.
In the interim I have had him tested for learning disabilities (as I really believed in my heart that it was a learning disability and not ADHD causing his poor success in school)and both sets of tests have indicated strongly that he is ADHD with no learning disabilty. Recommendations from both the School psycologists who did the testings and the mental health psycologist is to put him on medication.
I am so scared of making this decision, yet at the same time I feel so guilty because my stand on not medicating may have lead to this behaviour and his problems with life and school. Most of what I've read about stimulants is not favourable and I worry about long term health issues. I am just sick with worry and I can't help feeling the fear that no matter what decision I make regarding medication or no medication that either way, his life is doomed.
How do I get over this fear? And if I agree to the meds, how do I make peace with myself if he has a negative experience from it?
Totally lost and confused.
Ess
poster:Essence
thread:35557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030120/msgs/35557.html