Posted by Dinah on January 10, 2003, at 8:58:15
In reply to Disillusioned, posted by Tabitha on January 10, 2003, at 7:56:51
For what it's worth, I saw your post as a genuine attempt to communicate. To get past a block, not to cause one. And although it may have got lost in the semantics, that was what I was trying to say with my touche' posts. That intent mattered.
It has been my experience on this board, that things that work in person don't always work well here. Mark expressed it far better than I could, in a post that is probably somewhere in the archives.
I am so sad that you don't feel safe here. I am so sad that Beardy doesn't feel safe here. I get the feeling that a lot of people are standing back and holding their breaths, afraid to post. And I really liked the supportive atmosphere that was here a week ago. People were posting for the first time, etc. I'm sorry for the setback in all of that, although I'm sure it is just a setback.
But what happened here is hardly unique. In fact the disagreements at the various hobby clubs I belong to are far more vicious, because there is no Dr. Bob and no civility guidelines. One spinoff from one splintered and divided group does have a strong moderator that keeps things on task works better than the others. But the emails!!! Of course that's why I mostly lurk at those groups.
I can only tell you what has worked for me, and I don't know how much help it will be for you. I had to put some distance between the board and myself. A shield of sorts. I took away its power to hurt me. I drop the shield to different degrees for different people, but I always keep in mind the possibility for hurt, and can step back.
That's really the only way I could come back here after the last time. My therapist had given me a strong suggestion to not return.
I can't tell you how glad I've been at the minimal conflict here lately. (And don't anyone start interpreting that as an insult to anyone. It's a simple statement of fact. There has been little conflict here lately. Period. I liked that. Period. If anyone wants to add anything to that, it's their stuff not mine.)
I do hope that you don't decide to leave over this. It's just not worth it. One or two people were offended by your post. That's going to happen from time to time. Heaven only knows it's happened to me. But you are a valuable member of the community, and on a more personal level, a dear friend. Your posts are funny, sensible, supportive, and civil. You have on more than one occasion helped me find perspective. I hope I can help you in this instance.
Very sincerely,
Dinah
poster:Dinah
thread:34965
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030104/msgs/34968.html