Posted by Anna Laura on December 25, 2002, at 2:51:06
In reply to Re: THANKS, posted by Pfinstegg on December 24, 2002, at 15:42:03
> In haste- Christmas Eve. i do understand better now what you are referring to- not wanting to burden anyone with things you are thinking over and over. From my experience on these boards, this just doesn't happen. I think i have seen it happen with one poster who just wasn't able to hear any of the things people said to him. That's rare, though, and it's definitely not you. As an aside, i am amazed at how excellent and colloquial your english is- you sound just like us, which is rare for a European.
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> The anhedonia and apathy- it;s horrible- remeber that it has a physical base in the hypoperfusion of your basal ganglia and limbic structures. It's reversible, but you need the best experts you can find toc give you the right medications- these could include mefipristone- TMS too. It's an extremely difficult problem to solve, but it CAN be solved- people have done so before you. I guess the best bet is to stick with the best neurophysiologists you can find and keep on working with them. Remember, too that there are drugs like CRH antagonists in the pipeline which are going to address the basic neurophysiokogical defects of depression. What you are able to take now is going to seem so archaic compared to what will be available within a few years. But even now, there are enough good treatments for you to find one that is right-or right enough. It's awful, to be only 21, and be getting hit with such a severe depression.
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> Sorry for bad spelling- got to go!
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>
> Pfinstegg
Hi Pfinstegg
What i need at the moment it's just some relief to keep me going. I'm not 21, i'm 33 years old; after twelve years it's very very hard to get through the day; i don't want to complain 'cause AD's saved my life and Bupropion i'm currently taking, it's working and i'm glad for it; still, it's not sufficient; every single thing i do it's a duty and even liying in bed it's a pain 'cause my body it's numbed as well; i've been like that for six years: things began to change around the sixth-seventh year of my depression ; it's like being in a isolation prison cell right now; i'm still resisting 'cause i want to "feel" things again; Bupropion gives me little fragments
of feelings which come and go; it might sound incredible but even smelling a carbage can can be a heavenly experience! If only i had myself back, things would be much easier; i've had psychotic depression many years ago (1993) and was far more capable to fight it back 'cause i had myself; now i regret horror, i swear; i want to feel the pain, 'cause this situation it's worse then pain; i've had leg cramps yesterday for the first time in years and i actually felt the pain and i was like: "Wow! Great!";
What i i'm striving for now it's just to feel good enough to feel like a human being again; i don't know for how long
i can stand this mental state; i was a strong, brave person and now i'm just a thing; you know i was like the guy of the song "i got life" from Hair; i felt grateful for every single feeling and emotion i felt every single day of my life. I was like "blessing" everything, you know bless the light, the people, the pavement, everything.
That warm, gentle feeling was always with me.
O.K., enough for ranting, now;happy holidays
poster:Anna Laura
thread:33204
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/33978.html