Posted by Anna Laura on December 21, 2002, at 4:25:03
In reply to Re: next steps - Anna Laura, posted by Pfinstegg on December 20, 2002, at 10:29:44
> It's much clearer to me now what your situation is- sorry for the irrelevant stuff about psychoanalysis! It sounds to me as if some of those analysts are out of the dark ages, anyway- especially the one who talked about penis envy- what an ancient, useless concept. The psychoanalytic psychotherapy which helped me so much was nothing like what you are describing, but the main point for you is- it's not what you need anyway.
>
> If I understand you correctly, you are bipolar, with a long hyperthymic period in your teens, followed by a long bout with depression lasting until now. You've had both AD's and mood stabilizers, didn't tolerate the mood stabilizers very well, didn't get relief from the AD's, and are also afraid that they may have contributed to your present anhedonia. Is this more or less correct? One of the reasons I stopped taking Prozac and Paxil was that, although they took away some of the pain of the depression; after a few years, the anhedonia became very noticeable and I felt that I wasn't myself at all. After 5 months off all of them, the anhedonia is almost completely reversed. How long have you been off of them?
>
> It sounds like you are entering a drug study in February- is that right? Is it for a new mood stabilizer? I guess that if you are doing that, you can't begin adding on thyroid supplements right now. But you probably could take fish oil- at least between now and February. If you decide to do that, just be sure you take enough so that you get at least one gram of EPA per day. It will help your brain's metabolism on a lot of different levels. The parts of your brain which are hypo-perfused have an extremely sluggish, underactive metabolism, and while fish oil won't bring up the blood circulation, it will make the metabolism in those areas more active- more neurotransmitter secretion and uptake.
>
> I would also wonder about your cortisol status, given the intensity of your depression. Do you know what your 24-hour cortisol is, and whether you are a DST suppressor or not?
>
> Pfinstegg
I didn'have DST suppression test yet : my ex-pdoc thought it was unreliable; as i mentioned before i'm going to repeat TSH, cortisol and so forth; i'll have DST suppression included as well;
as far as anhedonia is concerned, it never went away;
feelings of guilt, worthelessness and even the worst obsessions, any problem i had to face were more or less easily dissipated : anhedonia didn't improve at all; it's always there, getting worse throughout the years, my own private unbeatable enemy.I've been on and off antidepressants (first time three years, second time one year and a half) with no significant relief: i felt more lively that's true, but that feeling wore off pretty quickly in a matter of few days.
See, I could accept the fact never to regain my hyperthymic self; i'd be glad just to return to the early times of my depression, when i still felt love for my friends and my fianceé and my libido and a few interests and beliefs were spared by the illness.I couldn't bear the idea of being stuck to the couch or being barely functional every time i get better, spending my days sitting in front of a computer and do house work for the rest of my life.
I was a very brilliant girl (Reading Freud at the age of 13, winning writing competitions ); but i never cared about ambition or success; my ambition, even before depression had always been life; my main occupation other then my studies were mainly sensations, feelings new emotions and experiencing new things, travelling and meeting new people and cultures; i'm aware it might sound a bit naive. (you know like Alice in Wonderland and the world is no wonderland indeed).
Anyway, my hope is to regain a just a tiny bit of life and sensations, enough to get out of this room anyway.The psychopharmacologist doctor from the University Clinic of Cagliari wanted to check my dopamine transporters and receptors, thinking a dysfunction in the dopamine system might be to blame.
She also believes an adequate mood-stabilizers trial would lift my depression.
I have decided to get back on Zyban (Bupropion); i need it just to get through the day; i've been progressively deteriorating since i started Tegretol; it made me feel a little better the first two weeks, but it eventually worsened my depression around the third week or so when Mirapex was added; after a five weeks trial they were both suspended but i kept on getting worse; during the last few days i felt like i was relapsing.
The university of Cagliari and the new pdoc from here are not returning my calls (very unprofessional); i've been waiting for like two weeks to talk to them with no avail: couldn't reach out for anyone; i didn't want to make any arbitrary or irresponsible choice, so when i realized i couldn't talk to any of them, i went to my GP doctor who told me that he couldn't prescribe anything except Xanax.
So i thought it over and chose Bupropion which is a quite safe med; it's the only AD that doesn't worsen cycling in bipolars, it's relatively fast-acting (at least for me) it doesn't have any side-effect and withdrawal when you stop it and it's excreted from your system within two days.
I think i made a good choice 'cause it's helping a little already. Now i feel lively enough to eat and wash myself and take a walk outside the house.
I'll get fish oil as well, as you suggested.
My appointment is due in January, 23; the only thing left to do now it's waiting;
Thanks for listening and caringblessings
poster:Anna Laura
thread:33204
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/33719.html