Posted by Anna Laura on December 20, 2002, at 4:38:09
In reply to Re: next steps - Anna Laura, posted by Pfinstegg on December 19, 2002, at 10:13:08
> I have read that psychoanalysis is pretty active in Italy, and obviously not always in a particularly helpful way!
Yes, i suffered from major depression+anxiety (agitated depression) and i wasn't diagnosed for two years;
I was living with a guy i loved and that was the first stable relationship for the first time in my life (i was 21); no more anxiety or dependence issues; i was so glad for it. I felt calm and loving at the same time.
But my depression kept on getting worse no matter what; they thought it was just a neurosis and they kept on pushing me towards pyscho-therapy: i had been in therapy for two years with no relief.I eventually met a good pdoc who made the "right" dx (major depression") and gave me Tofranil; Tofranil halted my depression and reversed it somehow; psychotherapy helped also, i trusted him, thought he was good and caring man, but i've been suffering from you might call "residual depression" ever since.
You know what's funny? I met one of the greatest psychoanalists here in Italy, Romolo Rossi;
We talked for like two hours; do you think i have a personality disorder? i finally asked him.
And he went like: "No, not all! you suffer from depression, is quite evident, i don't understand why my collegues made such a terrible mistake"Another one thought i suffered from a variant of narcisistic personality disorder; when i tried to understand why he'd give me vague and enigmatic answers.
Another one talked about envy of the penis, saying i sounded just like Humphrey Bogart;Finally the psychopharmacologist from my town stated i was bipolar II and boarderline at the same time (which can't be, since they are distinct pathologies).
I visited a site on bipolar which focuses on bipolar II stating that borderline usually responds to psychotherapy to some extent whereas bipolar II doesn't :
www.psycheducation.org
I think that's true : even if i felt my "ancient" wounds were finally soothed my depression didn't change. Only Tofranil did that for me. I think it saved my life, even though Agop and Akiskal stated that you shouldn't give an AD to a depressed patient whose temperament is basically hyperthymic 'cause very treatment resistant depression might arise as a result ; (hope it's not my case).
A. Koukopoulos, one of the world leading expert in bipolar desease talks about "antidepressant induced treatment resistant dysphoria".See, i've been hyperthymic with hypomanic shifts throughout my early and late teens (seven years).
I entered my first depression when i was 8 years old; i recovered when i was 13: i've felt euphoric ever since (man seven years!) before i plunged in to depression.
So that's bipolar, no question about it;
Don't want to hear about therapy and personality disorders 'cause i've been there, done that; curing my old wounds and traumas didn't solve my depression;
so that's a dead end road for me.Sorry if i sounded a bit harsh and angry but psychoanalists ruined my life; i often think about all the misdiagnosis thing and i feel so bad. I recall going to therapy when i was young, trusty and humble, thinking they could solve my problem; my illness was degenerating instead, month after month, year after year, and they didn't realize it, they were blaming me stating i didn't want to heal.
O.K. ranting again, i'm sorry; i really appreciated your lenghty posts and your efforts: i think you're a good and understanding person, really, and i'm glad that you feel better and so forth but whenever i hear about psychoanalisis a bell rings inside my head, wether is an old or new method i know that stuff it's not for me.
I also believe deep changes are possible 'cause i've experienced them, and i know what it feels like; i know the grateful feeling for your therapist, and the sensation of being "free" and being finally blessed by new, unexpected emotions you thought you couldn't feel, like deep "real" love, without anxiety and concerns, but I also think absent mothering replacing can be done in many other ways other then psychoanalisis.
Nothing personal, really.blessing
Anna Laura
poster:Anna Laura
thread:33204
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/33672.html