Posted by Miller on December 24, 2002, at 20:40:00
So my husband left to go back to Ohio to live with his family. I am now alone (again) in a state I was only in to be with my husband. I had a job that was ok, but not paying enough to support myself, the bills from my marriage, and an apartment.
I ended up having to file bankruptcy. I can honestly say, going to court to file bankruptcy upset me more than going to court for my divorce. When I got divorced, I felt as if it was a choice both of us made. Bankruptcy felt as if I had no alternatives.
I was so depressed living alone. I did have a few friends from work, but, at the end of each day, they went home to their families. I felt as low as any person could at that point.
If I thought I had made bad choices prior, that was NOTHING compared to the choices I was about to start making.
It was very late one night and I met a guy who "swept me off my feet". He said and did everything right. He told me how wonderful I was, how strong I had been to stay, how my husband must be an idiot for letting me get away, how I deserve so much more, etc., etc., etc. I bought into it all.
This man (I only refer to him as "the bad man") became everything to me in a matter of days. After a week or so, I found out he was married and had a child. It never even entered my mind to stop seeing him. I began to blow off work. When I did show up, I did a very poor job. I started to avoid the few friends I had. Since my family was so far away, I only spoke with them when they happened to call when I was home. My life began to be all about the bad man and his needs.
I eventually quit my job. I sold everything I had to raise money to move to Colorado as he and his family was. I sold all my furniture, all my kitchen ware, all my jewelry, and most of my clothes. I left the state with only a car full of belongings.
I got to Colorado and was caught in the middle of a situation I never thought I would be in. The bad man got me a job. His wife at this point knew about me and even had to interact with me most of the time. All my money had gone to getting an apartment and to the bad man for his various wants. The money I was earning went to him or his wife. His wife was pregnant again at the time. I would always give the bad man money to feed her before I would eat myself. I thought I was proving my love to him. He would go from my apartment to theirs, depending on his mood. If he was angry with me, to her he went.
There came a time when none of us had money. At one point all of us were in the same apartment. (Comfortable, huh?) It was during this time that the bad man created a very strange mission. He would continually try to make me kill myself. I know that sounds strange, but he would talk aboutit to me constantly. When I was feeling bad, he would give me suggestions and guidelines to how I should do it. We were at a state park one day. (The Garden of the Gods) There are very high cliffs and rock formations. We hiked to the top of one rock formation. When we were on the top, he brought me to the edge and took about an hour trying to talk me into jumping off. I was SO close to doing just that. I was leaning over the edge when a person (he may have been a ranger of some sort) came and told us to get down from the formation.
The bad man started to regularly hit me. I was scared but more afraid to leave. I had "burned my bridges" with my friends and family by this point. I just took all the punishment he dished out.
SOme of the worse things I have ever done were done in this period. I taunted his wife (pregnant, remember) into a fist fight in the middle of a parking lot. I badgered her until she threw the first punch. Once she had, I released all of my anger onto her. By the time the police came, she was a mess. I let the police take her to jail.
I could tell SO many horrid stories of bad things I did, but there really isn't a point. I was evil.
His wife went into labor. A guy we worked with packed up most of our stuff and drove me to my dad's in Florida. Most people would think I should be relieved and grateful. Too bad I didn't see the situation that way.
A few weeks after I was with my dad, the bad man came to Florida to prove his love to me. Don't ask me what I was thinking. I obviously wasn't. I stole a credit card of my dad's and left with him.
We ended up in California. Again we had no money. This time instead of having me work, he took me to the Mexican border. I literally panhandled for money. I would tell people I had my purse stolen. I made quite a lot of money. (I look very innocent and honest.)
Things went from bad to worse. I was being abused beyond anything I could have imagined. I will spare you the gory details. The police were finally called one afternoon. The bad man convinced them that I had a mental problem and was attacking him. Although I showed them all my bruises, because I was hysterical, they warned me that if they were called out again, they would arrest me.
As soon as the police left, the bad man picked up the phone and called my mother. She lives on the East coast. He told her to say goodbye to me because he was about to kill me. Needless to say, my mother flipped out.
After they hung up, he and I were fighting very badly. The cops came again (called by my mother). They had me handcuffed and were about to take me away. A neighbor came home from work and told them how the bad man was the one in the wrong. They arrested him and put him in the back of a squad car.
The cops began taking pictures of all my bruises, marks, chipped teeth, etc. As I was walked by the squad car the bad man was kicking the back window and screaming that he would finish the job.
As soon as the cops left, a neighbor brought me to the airport. My mother had charged a ticket for me to fly to Ohio. I was to live with a childhood friend, her husband, and two kids until I could get my own place.
I will be able to finish my story in the next chapter, I believe. By telling people this, I feel very vulnarable. I have never told anybody about this stuff. I usually just say "I got mixed up with the wrong guy." I feel very wierd right now. Kind of like it is all new again.
poster:Miller
thread:33940
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/33940.html