Posted by wendy b. on December 13, 2002, at 15:28:59
In reply to Re: Guilt--Wendy, posted by ROO on December 13, 2002, at 13:03:35
> > Someone advised me this: if she were REALLY
> suicidal, she wouldn't be moaning and crying
> - she'd be actively doing something. He said
> I would know whether or not to take her to the
> emergency room (and my gut told me she didn't
> need to go right then). He saw it as
> manipulative and hurtful. I would think what
> your "friend" is doing to you also qualifies as
> manipulative...
>
>
> This post kind of stuck with me and made me feel bad. I'm not sure
> why. I guess because I have suicidal thoughts lately and I struggle
> with whether to tell my friends or not. On the one hand, they're my
> friends and I feel like I should be able to share with them what I"m going
> through, and friends should be able to talk about their deep pain together...on
> the other hand...of course I don't want to "burden them" and of course my deepest
> fear would be that I would be seen somehow as "manipulative"...what an awful thing.
>
> When is telling friends how you are feeling going over into the line of being
> manipulative? I wanna know because I don't want to be manipulative, but I also
> don't want to feel like I have to keep everything buried inside. If you're feeling
> suicidal is the ONLY appropriate person to tell your therapist?
>
> If anything, I tend to isolate and NOT tell friends when I'm feeling suicidal...the
> more suicidal I feel, the less likely I am to talk about it. When I do talk about it, I'll
> usually say "I've been having a lot of suicidal THOUGHTS", I won't threaten suicide. Sometimes
> I feel friends maybe SHOULD be aware of just how seriously horrible I feel at times, but then
> I feel "what's really the point" because there's nothing they could do for me anyway.
>
Oh Roo,I'm so sorry you took it to heart. I was talking about myself and my sister, really. There's nothing like a sister to lay you waste... And she does it (did it) so well and so perfectly.
I don't think anyone should hide their suicidal thought and feelings, because opening up to people who are IS the only way some people get dissuaded. It probably better to say you've been having suicidal thoughts than to threaten, though. But suicidal people aren't/can't be thinking about the other person, that's why all of our exchanges this past week have been so painful, to me as well... "Suicidal" is all about the self, there is no other. I think a lot of people think their survivors will be better off without them, and thus rationalize that they ARE in fact thinking about others, but this is never the case. The grief and pain relatives and friends feel is never ending.
I'm probably not explaining myself very well, and for that I'm sorry. This is a difficult thing to come to terms with. I believe you should have every opportunity to talk about your suicidal thoughts, but maybe it is better for a therapist than a friend or relative... If a therapist is available. But no one is going to say they think it's a great idea if you off yourself, no friend or therapist would do that. That's why I said that once the person has made up their mind, they kind of stop talking. In my experience...
Again, Roo, I wasn't talking about anyone except my sister and myself. Please accept my apology...............
Kindest regards,
Wendy
poster:wendy b.
thread:33265
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33314.html