Psycho-Babble Social | for general support | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: Guilt » NikkiT2

Posted by Dinah on December 13, 2002, at 18:26:20

In reply to Re: Guilt--Wendy » ROO, posted by NikkiT2 on December 13, 2002, at 16:38:02

OK, I'm going to go out on a limb here. I think that talk of suicide is usually not manipulative, but a cry of pain. Especially if you know someone is genuinely depressed.

I know that sometimes therapists and friends find suicide threats manipulative, and sometimes they appear on the surface to be. Especially if it is a threat to commit suicide if you do or do not do something. The same thing is said of cutters who don't hide their cutting. I was subtly accused of it as a teen when, no, I probably wasn't going to kill myself. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. Things hadn't been bad long enough for me to give up hope.

But even then my suicide threats weren't manipulative except in the sense that they were trying to manipulate my parents to give me the help I needed, to make the bad things go away. So, perhaps based on my experience, I see even the most manipulative-appearing suicide threats as attempts to communicate by people who are in pain and see no other way to communicate their pain or who really want things to be different.

So even if someone said "I'll kill myself if I don't get a pony" I would think that what they were really saying (in not the best way) is "I really really want a pony, and if I'm afraid of how bad I'll feel if I don't get one." Perhaps they grew up in a chronically invalidating environment where the only way to have their needs attended to was to behave in an extreme way.

That doesn't mean that people have to bankrupt themselves emotionally for their friends. It's perfectly legitimate to suggest that someone talk to their therapist about this, because you honestly can't handle it.

But I've just heard about so much hostility directed towards the chronically suicidal. (I'm not talking about here. I'm talking about in my readings in therapy.) And on some level that bothers me because obviously they are in pain and that pain needs to be attended to. If someone is crying for attention, maybe they really need attention.

I suggest reading Marsha Linehan's work or watching her videos on borderline personality disorder.

By the way, that's a nice thing about this site. If someone is really feeling suicidal, they can say so here. Sure we all get upset, but there isn't the degree of responsibility that there would be with one friend because we can support each other while supporting the suicidal person.

I'm sorry for the rant. I just don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable about posting suicidal feelings here or telling a friend. That may be the difference in what a person chooses to do. (By the way, one reason I go to therapy and intend to do so indefinitely is to discuss my suicidal or self injurious feelings. My family can't handle it. So in general, I'm greatly in favor of therapy in these matters.)

 

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Social | Framed

poster:Dinah thread:33265
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33318.html