Posted by sjb on August 16, 2002, at 9:41:03
Hi,
I'm isolating more and more and just wish people, esp. my family, would quit emailing me with, "How are You doing?" Just leave me alone. It just reminds me over and over again that I'm a mental case. They don't understand depression at all and that's one reason why I just don't "share" with them anymore. My one sister told me once, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." PUUHHHLLEASE!!! I've run marathons, ultramarathons, can out-lift most men at the gym, but when I go down for the count with a serious bout of depression, no amount of toughness helps. All I want to do is stuff my face with junk, sleep and cry. Oh, and hide or run-away from everything!!!
I know they mean well and I should be grateful the care. (Whoops, old therapist said warned me about those "shoulds"), but those emails that pop up after I've disappeared for a while with that question just get's on my nerves. And family events: DREAD 'EM! I'm in a panic over my father's upcoming 80th birthday 'cause it means some hideous family/dinner/social event that will include my red-neck, hunting-loving, right-wing brother-in-law who molested me when I was 17. Of course, all my family thinks he's wonderful. Why can't they ever just say, "I understand" when I find socializing too difficult at times?. They think it will help. It doesn't.
I've also lossed friends because I just cannot plan to do things. Never know what mood I'll be in and sometimes cancel at the last minute, although my original intentions are good. God, how I envy people who can actually PLAN vacations, events, dinners, etc and carry through with them, and even, dare I say, enjoy them! What a luxury.
Just venting.
poster:sjb
thread:28752
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020813/msgs/28752.html