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Another perspective -Re: Family,isolation,etc. » sjb

Posted by Medusa on August 19, 2002, at 7:44:07

In reply to Family,isolation,etc., posted by sjb on August 16, 2002, at 9:41:03

> just wish people, esp. my family, would quit
> emailing me with, "How are You doing?"

can you put an automated response on your e-mail? maybe with links to sites for family/friends of depressed persons?

>stuff my face with junk, sleep and cry. Oh,
> and hide or run-away from everything!!!

make an effort to take care of your bod - get some salads in there with that junk. Hard to do, I know. *If* you give yourself permission to isolate, maybe you can more easily take care of yourself, so that you'll feel as good as possible, all by yourself.


> I know they mean well

You sure? Maybe they want to assuage their consciences. Maybe deep down, they know they've screwed up and contributed to big family problems, and they know you're carrying the big black bag, and they want to be sure that you keep carrying it but they feel bad, and by calling they just want to ease their minds. "Knowing that they mean well" is loaded. Whose motives are purely positive?


>I'm in a panic over my father's upcoming 80th

Can you get out of this? Now? The sooner you cut yourself the room you need, the sooner you'll be able to really enjoy your isolation. Yes, people will be upset. Yup, your father might be hurt. And if you go, you'll pay a price far greater than the sum of all of their irritation, hurt etc.


> all my family thinks he's wonderful.

Again, I'm not so sure about this. I think people know deep down what's what (am I wishful- thinking?) and they WANT to believe that nasty in-laws and other molesters are 'wonderful', so they make a lot of effort to that. But look who's left paying the bills for this 'wonderful' family - YOU.

>Why can't they ever just say, "I understand"

They will NEVER understand. So start taking care of yourself - providing yourself the isolation you need - right now, and try to accept that they'll be not-at-all-understanding about this, because it'll disturb their delicate balance. Change is really hard, and until they understand that you're not going to pay for their fiddling, and they find a new equilibrium, they'll try to coerce you back into playing the role they're comfortable with you playing.

> I just cannot plan to do things.

I hear you. Wish I had a solution to this.


> Just venting.

Venting can be good. Until it takes you around the same circles once more, and then it's not constructive. So vent all you need to, but be sure you do other things that you need to do, to take care of yourself, as well.

Please keep posting.

-M


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poster:Medusa thread:28752
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020813/msgs/28927.html