Posted by JohnX2 on March 6, 2002, at 2:02:02
Hi,Haven't posted here before. gonna ramble
so watch out.I'm worn torn, tired, pooped, beaten up.
But I'm left here standing back on my feet.Took me 3 yrs and many physicians to get good
treatment and feel pretty comfortable with
where I can go with my life.But now I feel sad. Sad because there are so
many people out there going through what I did
who maybe don't have the resolve/resources
whatever to get treatment and attain
a dignified quality of life.Which is really what this is about for me,
reevaluating what it is to have "quality of life".I was on the fast track with my career, making
lots of money, nice education. But did I really
stop and enjoy the little things? No. Not till
after this last episode where I finally had to
leave work on disability. Then I had a few
swings back in to major depression after mania.
I stopped obsessing about getting my career back
on track. Started to think about little things
that are important to make me happy on a day by
day basis. I got a flat tire and walked a few
miles to the gas station to get a can of air to
pump up my tire. I never would have done this
before, even when I felt well. I just wanted to
enjoy being alive, looking at the trees, watching
other smiling people with their babies. It felt
good.So now I feel better. I realize a lot of this
is psychological as well as chemical. Now that
I am not hyperfocused on getting myself well and
rejuvinated by enjoying these new things to
treasure in life, I feel so sad and guilty that other people aren't
feeling well to experience the same.Despondant.
John
poster:JohnX2
thread:19372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020305/msgs/19372.html