Posted by mist on January 28, 2002, at 12:02:52
In reply to self-hate as the easy way out., posted by paula on January 27, 2002, at 23:02:56
paula,
This is probably not what you wanted to hear but I've usually regretted reaching out to people I've known in real life when I've needed help as a result of being depressed—especially for emotional support—because their responses have not been understanding or helpful. In some cases they've been cold, critical and judgmental—just the opposite of what I needed.
When I have started going over in my head interactions in which I was more vulnerable, and feeling something was wrong, it's usually because it was. Because I didn't get the result I needed and had hoped for.
For the most part, I think of not reaching out for support or understanding as a smart, healthy, self-preservation measure.
I don't mean that I think, "no one is trustworthy," just by virtue of their being a human being. I mean that in general the society—schools, the media, churches, social institutions, etc.—don't teach supportive, healthy ways of relating to others (especially to depressed or other vulnerable people). The overriding values are competition, toughness, survival of the fittest, self-sufficiency, do or die, get with the program (even if you can't get out of bed), etc. I think it's therefore best to be somewhat on guard with most people, including friends and family members. That's why support groups and a board like this which provide a small oasis of safety are important.
These are just some thoughts which came to mind when I read your post. I don't know if they are useful to you or relevant to your experience. -mist
> Short version: Emotionally, I'm not a very open person. One of the things I'm working on in therapy is opening up to people more. Asking for help, input when I need it. Well, I've been spiraling a bit lately and actually called a few people (friends and advisor/profs) tonight. On the one hand, I'm proud of myself for having done so. On the other, I'm having the usual post-interaction regret, self-recrimination, and the incessant running back of the "tapes" of these conversations in my mind. For most of my life the easiest way out of this situation has been to just simply browbeat myself and be done with it. Write it all off to my own idiocy, go to bed and forget about it. It's so much harder to just "live with" the fact that I reached out to some people, that I need help on occasion, that everyone does on occasion, etc. etc.
>
> Sound familiar to anyone?
>
> --p (...hoping to silence the "tape" long enough to get my work done....)
poster:mist
thread:17351
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020125/msgs/17374.html