Posted by Sourceror on December 26, 2001, at 14:14:31
In reply to Re: ARGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!, posted by Sourceror on December 25, 2001, at 21:04:36
Today has not started out well. I was turned down for the day program because I wasn't totally incapacitated. They suggested a couple of groups but won't get back to me on those until some time next week. One was stress management, which even if they suggest it I will refuse. I hate those groups and, as I have mentioned in a previous thread, they usually leave me very aggitated and pissed by the time I leave. So that would not be good therapy, a good experiment maybe, but not good therapy. The second is a cognative therapy group which might help. The only problem I have is that I can't drive and the hospital is a good 30 miles away so getting a ride will be a problem. So it looks like I have to try to do this all alone. I don't think that I will hold up long with just regular weekly or biweekly 15 min sessions with the social worker and not having my next pdoc appt til April. I feel I will loose control if things keep up the way they are. I made it through the holidays and that was my goal. What is next? Nothing I can think of. I wouldn't be surprised if something doesn't happen by the middle of Jan. I have been teetering on the edge here even when I have had a goal and almost didn't make it this far. I just wonder if maybe it's my time to cash in the ticket. No I have to stop thinking like that and try to hold on. But it gets so hard when no one is really depending on you for anything. It seems like the perfect time. I started a note once maybe I should update it. That usually gets me crying and thinking again about if it is worth it. I just feel like I am crouched up in a little corner and knowing that all I have to do is get up and move then I won't be in the corner anymore but yet I can't even will myself to move. I just don't know what to do. I want the help but to get the help it seems too difficult. I can't figure out how to get the help I need in the system I am using right now. I wish I had insurance and could go to a normal T and pdoc then I could know what was going on. I am stuck in this pathetic Vetrans Hospital system and anytime the govt gets their hands on anything it goes to hell and a handbag. Well I guess I will trudge on another day. Thanks for listening.
L8R,
The Sourceror
poster:Sourceror
thread:15882
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/15920.html