Psycho-Babble Social | for general support | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: discharging anger

Posted by wendy b. on November 19, 2001, at 23:15:22

In reply to discharging anger, posted by mist on November 19, 2001, at 18:22:10

> The thing that's helped me clear up anger is having heated verbal fights with people I'm angry at. I noticed as a child I felt much better after fighting (not physically--I mean huge, angry arguments) with family members.


Yes, I think this is true, a lot of energy gets discharged in a strong verbal fight. Children have fewer inhibitions about letting off steam, and it does feel good, it's a real physical release. To describe the mechanism is tricky: I think the anger, or repressed feelings, or feelings we were never allowed to express, are bottled up, as they say, and then the bottle can't hold any more, and the cork pops off and it all comes shooting out. (sorry to mix the champagne and penile analogies here, but what the hey...) It's a law of physics as well, the body trying to find equilibrium.


>The problem is, there are social/interpersonal repercussions to doing that in most relationships and situations, so I don't do very often if at all anymore.

I think as adults, it's obviously less socially acceptable. I can tell you, from being on both sides - the side doing the angry blasting, and the side getting hit with it - that it doesn't accomplish much. As adults, we have to find better ways.

I have recently been yelled at by both my sister and my stepfather, because they were UNABLE to come out with how they really felt about a situation (my parents moving to a smaller house). We're older now, I'm 41, sister's 43, stepfather's 65 - and I'm still getting yelled at... They were over-emotionally reacting to my saying I didn't think my parents were 'ready' to move yet. That's all I said, no accusations, no guilt, no judgement. After 8 years in therapy, I feel myself to be much better at being clear about what I think, what I want, and what I don't want. Without stepping on anyone's feelings, or being 'brutally honest.' I've worked hard at learning how to express myself in a fair way to my family. And I get frustrated that they aren't spending any energy at learning to do the same thing. We'd all get along so much better if others did some work on it besides just me...


>(Not that I ever did a lot.) The society overall isn't accepting of interpersonal fighting,—it's viewed as destructive and antisocial.

Most people just can't take being blasted. It's like getting hit broadside with a big piece of sheet-metal. It reverbs... Personally, I have found it instructive to be in group therapy, where if it works, you all have a safe, supportive environment in which to say things you might not feel able to in the 'outside' world. It's a place to practice what to do outside the group, if that makes any sense. This bulletin board helps people do that, and it's why I like it so much. I've only been going to formal group therapy for a couple of months, so I'm no expert. But I do feel a change in myself, that the anger and anxiety have found a better place, or have been put right, finally, even though it's late in life.


>If people accepted it more for what it was and didn't read terrible meanings into it I think it would be useful for clearing up backlogged anger. Hitting a pillow and that type of thing doesn't do it for me.

There are some types of therapy where yelling at others is ok, but I think it would have to take place in a very controlled environment. I guess psycho-drama is like this. I like Kristi's suggestion of yelling in the car (alone) at the top of your lungs, where no one can hear you, it's great! Used to do it all the time when I lived with my OCD husband...

So, Mist, just my two little cents... Hope you find a beneficial way to get it all out... Several threads here lately have to do with some of the issues you raised.

Best,
Wendy


Share
Tweet  

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Social | Framed

poster:wendy b. thread:14065
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14099.html