Posted by susan C on September 9, 2001, at 18:40:03
In reply to Re: Sex, committment, old lovers, regrets -- all that, posted by Krazy Kat on September 9, 2001, at 17:40:51
Mmmmmm, it took me YEARS to get over my 'old lover' relationship...in my head...and all those things you said...25 years later, he called me...saw my name in the college alumni list and wondered, is it really?....called me up....25 years....I had been with spouse....just like you describe...caring devoted....but I had gotten over him, my first flaming love. He had gone off, married someone who also knew how to sail (I didn't) lived on a remote island they both taught school and had four kids. He is now divorced and living on his boat. At one point in the conversation, he reflectively said, 'you really loved me then didn't you?' Yes, I said, I did, I still care for you, and I am in a relationship with a person who, for the last many many years has stood by me and cared for me as I have been very ill. Through good times and bad. At the end of this conversation, we exchanged addresses, phone numbers, mumbling something about being in touch. I have lost all his numbers, I would never go to see him, because years ago I figured out why it was a good thing he dumped me. After I hung up the phone, I realized he had never changed. And that I am very fortunate to be with who I am with. It took a lot of soul searching to get to this place. No matter how good the physical relationship was, it wasn't as good as the package is now.
Thank you for sharing your intimate reflection. It had me stop and remember a similar moment in time. I had to take time to think and write it down for you.
Susan C
Mouse with a past
> > I'd say you have to "fix" what's going on in your current relationship before even considering seeing an old flame. And then still don't do it.
>
> Sometimes I think we humans like to torture ourselves, perhaps to remind us we're alive? (I've been through a similar experience).
>
> Good luck.
>
> - K.
poster:susan C
thread:11024
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010909/msgs/11038.html