Posted by Marie1 on May 21, 2001, at 20:47:27
In reply to Re: Marie..., posted by shelliR on May 20, 2001, at 21:41:49
Hi Shelli,
I hope I can answer your question without causing more confusion because, frankly, it's not all that clear to me, even. The short answer is - no, I didn't have memories of sexual abuse before it came out in therapy. I had suspected things but never wanted to "go there". For instance, my sister told me of her abuse experiences (same perpetrator) and my immediate reaction was that I believed her, even though she is sort of known for histrionics and suffers from a credibility problem. The rest of my family still doesn't believe her, but I always did. Almost as though it had happened to me... Then these strange sexuality issues made me wonder. But if anyone had ever asked me if I had experienced sexual abuse (an over-used term, I know), I would have emphatically said "no". I think, because of unconscious messages I was giving my pdoc (do you understand that?), he thought I was repressing something and under his skillful questioning, I suddenly realized that what had happened to my sister had actually happened to me too. Even as I began to remember, I was denying it and then downplaying the whole thing, until I just had to admit it to myself. As I've learned about myself, this is my basic M.O. - I squash things until they have very little significance to me, at least on a conscious level.
I've only been in therapy a little over a year now, so this stuff is relatively new to me. And I think I remembered these things because it was time to. As Kristi said, it's mindboggling to realize the capacity we have for self delusion. But I guess that capability is a good thing.
If you don't mind my asking, how long have you been dealing with repressed memories? And what makes you remember them? Also, how do you deal with the shame involved (if you feel shame, that is)? Hope this makes sense to you. Take care.Marie
poster:Marie1
thread:6088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010511/msgs/6113.html