Posted by Marie1 on May 21, 2001, at 20:14:54
In reply to Marie..., posted by Kristi on May 20, 2001, at 14:23:25
Hi Kristi,
First of all, thank you for the kind words. As for my coping skills, that's debatable. The day I "remembered" the childhood sexual abuse, my husband and I were going to New Orleans for the weekend. I met him at the airport without half my luggage (I pack too much anyway!) and without telling my daughter's babysitter where we'd be! And here I thought I was handling it so well! Seriously, I felt sort of shellshocked, still do, for that matter. And there's not many people I want to talk about this to for obvious reasons. So it's nice to be able to safely get things off my chest here with people who can relate. I'm so glad you found this board. Please, don't apologize for any of your posts! (Unless, of course, Dr. Bob slaps your wrist with one of his "be civil" requests! :-})
Anyway, dysthymia is a sort of constant, low grade depression that people suffer from. I suspected I was depressed because I couldn't figure out why I was so unhappy all the time. The reaction from my family (not my husband) was - get it together. Stop whining. Eventually I got on Prozac and felt much better. Then my brother (32 yrs. old) killed himself, totally out of the blue. His computer journal left no doubt as to his state of mind (undiagnosed depression). Of course, I gained a lot of credibility by his suicide, but, ohmygod, at what cost.
Sorry, now I'm the one who is rambling. I just want to point out that we (my biological family) have this tendency towards depression. I had dysthymia, but then last year fell in to the pits of a full blown, suicide-craving, major depression, which is how I ended up in therapy, never realizing these things that I have repressed. I think my pdoc is wonderful, besides being very good at what he does. I guess he could tell by listening closely not only to what I said, but how I said it, that there were "issues". Besides, I freely admitted to him my tendency to over-indulge in alcohol (self-medicating) and other substance abuse, mostly the stimulating kinds.
It's too soon for me to decide if I'm glad this stuff came out. I feel very ashamed although I know I wasn't responsible. Actually, I think somewhere inside (not consciously) I made the decision to tell. It was like, all these things sort of came full circle and the timing was right. I hope this is making sense to you. In the interest of brevity, I'm trying to cram alot into a few paragraphs and it probably only makes sense to me...:-}
I'll be happy to share this experience with you...won't feel so alone or, well, pathetic. As to your situation, maybe your "inner self" will let you know when the time is right. Maybe that's why you found this place and are looking for opinions. Take it slow, but IMO, if you're ready to let go of your secrets, you will come out a "healthier" you. Take care.Marie
poster:Marie1
thread:6088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010511/msgs/6112.html