Posted by noa on October 24, 2000, at 7:09:21
In reply to Re: Cass, are you thinking about ... » noa, posted by Cass on October 23, 2000, at 18:06:06
I also have a dread of depressed moods, because it makes me scared of descending back into the HOLE. But I have been learning to not draw that conclusion each time I have a bad day.
Also, I have come to be more aware of how when stupid things go wrong, like stuff breaking, etc., I use it as "evidence" of how bad I am and that my life is hopeless. So I trying to not buy into that by thinking about it directly and questioning its certainty.
I think you need to speak to your therapist about the perception you have that he/she needs you to be doing well and won't accept you otherwise. It could be an assumption on your part based on your experience with all the important people in your life up til this point, or if it is the case that your therapist can't handle your down times, perhaps you need a therapist who can. In any event, I think it is important to check it out with him or her.
Now, it could be that the therapist feels you need more backup support if he or she is going to work with you on an outpatient basis. Perhaps he/she knows of other resources.
As for the hospital, perhaps it won't be the most therapeutic experience, but it could be just a place to keep you safe if needed, for a few days, if you find yourself at the point of being in danger of acting on your suicidal feelings.
But I wasn't only thinking of hospitalization--I was thinking about support groups, hotlines, day treatment, people you can stay with if needed, group therapy, more frequent individual sessions, etc. etc.
Last year, my therapist basically read me the riot act about this and was honest with me that he felt that unless I could agree to be open with him about my suicidal feelings (and at the beginning of sessions, not later on), and agree to a set of strategies for staying safe, he felt that the outpatient format was not appropriate, and that I would need more structure. That was so good that he did that. At that point, even though I still felt awful, agreeing to this was a way to suspend my own judgment and rely on his for a while.
poster:noa
thread:1473
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1540.html