Posted by Cass on October 23, 2000, at 18:06:06
In reply to Re: Cass, are you thinking about ... » Cass, posted by noa on October 23, 2000, at 14:45:17
Noa, yes, the straight line has already become crooked today. Any little thing that goes wrong propells me backwards into hell again. It seems that whenever I get depressed, crucial things break: I have car problems or computer problems... This time it has been plumbing problems, expensive ones. You know, like when the plumber says, "I've never seen anything like this before!!!" So today I had another plumbing problem which made a big mess, but I managed to fix it myself. My dread of depression is also always accompanied by the dread of important things breaking and big expenses. Why is it that things break when I am depressed? Does this strange phenomenon happen to anyone else? It's not like I pound on things or anything like that.
As for safety plans, I'm a little bit cynical about those. I guess I just don't think there is that much help to be had out there. The hospitalization experiences I've had were ineffective and frustrating. I got VERY little therapy, and I just felt like I was being held against my will till the three days had passed. I felt oppressed, and I felt that my well-being was not any sort of priority.
I also feel that I will lose any friend who I burden with this. I used to confide in a friend a lot when depressed. Now, if I mention anything that sounds vulnerable, she just gets really ticked off. I guess she feels I should be over it. I think, in general, I am only acceptable to those around me if I am feeling good. I even see this to some degree in my therapist. This is the fist time my boyfriend has seen me depressed like this, and I think it really confused him. It took me a long to convince him that I was not mad at him. I become so withdrawn when I am depressed.
I don't like life that much. I wish I did.
poster:Cass
thread:1473
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1520.html