Posted by allisonm on September 10, 2000, at 17:37:10
This is a vent probably more than a rant...something that has weighed heavily on me since Thursday morning. Work has been really stressful the last few weeks -- more than usual and it's usually very stressful. I guess that makes it really very stressful right now. My weekly meetings with my boss have been tense. As we only see each other in person about once a week, the worst of the week gets concentrated and put up front as topics du jour. Well, last week was about the fourth in a row to be tense because of personnel issues, extremely tight deadlines, lotsa pressure, lotsa politics. When I get tense sometimes I weep. My boss brought up the tenseness at our thursday morning meeting, and my eyes started to water as I voiced my frustration over the pressure in the last few weeks and how it seems unrelenting.
To my horror, she suggested a medical leave, or if this was not possible, a leave of absence. She knows about my past and my struggle with depression. There have been times when I could not hide its effects. I've never talked about it much, but when my boss has noticed that I'm unusually down, I tell her I'm aware of it and working on it. She also has suffered from depression, been on ADs and been in therapy. Which is why I was so floored that she would suggest this. At first I felt like I had failed. Now I am trying not to be extremely pissed off. My doctor was appalled when I told him, which validated my feelings.
This all happened Thursday. I called the HR rep on Friday to find out my rights. She says there are no ramifications if I decline, that this is being offered because my boss truly wants to help me. If she had offered a couple of days off, THAT, I think, would have been more appropriate. I told the HR person that I think my boss is shooting the messenger. What pisses me off, too, is that less than a week ago she was telling me what a great job I was doing and how she wouldn't want anyone else handling the current crisis situations. My record for the four years I've worked there is spotless. I've always had outstanding reviews.
Anyway, I was going to decline the offer Friday afternoon and be done with it, but my boss was in meetings all day. She's out on Monday, so we're meeting Tuesday. I have been running in my head what to say to her. Whether to simply decline and leave it at that, or to go into the stresses of recent weeks, pointing out that each of the last 3 or 4 meetings have focused on unusually difficult situations and that because our meetings have been so infrequent, the urgent stuff always takes priority. I am tempted to ask her whether she would have recommended a medical leave if she didn't know about my depression, but I don't want to get into it with her again and I really don't need to make her doubt me any more than she does and I really cannot afford to lose my job right now. I think at this point it's wisest just to decline and say as little as possible... suggestions?
poster:allisonm
thread:469
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/469.html