Posted by jacs on September 24, 2007, at 19:49:20
Hello....
I wanted to know if anyone out there had any experience with a narcissistic parent. I mean a serious personality disorder...I ask because after the recent death of my step-dad I am watching my own mother re-enact how every death is all about her while those around her cannot mourn the loss for themselves. Though some of this is about grief, I guess my fear is that I don't know how to handle this person anymore (did I ever?). She is an 81 yr. old woman who I know will not change and I am 46 and I can change...so there is hope I guess. But I will give you a for instance: yesterday I had called because I was having a check up by my doctor regarding a possible chance I may have a tumor (breast cancer-- turns out, all is well) as I was talking my mother mentioned she had thrown out a bunch of my dad's writing which I had specifically asked for, but she threw it away as she threw him away and maintained that she needed to "get rid of things" - she was stern and angry and hostile towards me. I has asked for these things..it was attention towards him...she punishes me and his daughters.....I was devastated that she threw these away...he was a writer...when I mentioned if I was sick I would go to a hospital 2 hours away she said " I cannot drive there" (she does not see well) I replied that I was not going to choose a hospital to make it easier on others and that this was about me not her. I never talked back to her, but what I have seen since this April has created so much pain and reminders of past pain. He took his own life and I am deeply sad by this and I do not see this as selfish like many do (my mother does) but I see it as a total loss of self and the saddest state to be in and I feel so much for my step-dad. I feel for her too, but my feelings are for many not "only." My mother has been furious with me since I spoke my mind (peacefully I might add). She said that everyone agrees with her "except you!" (meaning me) was the response towards me. I refuse to agree because I don't agree. I think the whole thing is sad and not about who takes sides with whom. I think she is very sick and dangerous. My therapist said she is a classic narcissist and that I have not learned to protect myself around her. I wonder how to do this...if I stay away for good this might work, but she goes through other family members to get to me....it is almost evil to me. She sets them up as props and they have no idea and she looks very good to everyone....this I know is classic behavior of a narcissist...the daughter is crazy.....I shake my head.
I don't get it. If I walk away and just want to live in peace and be away from her, why does a person have to needle the other especially under this type of duress? I am sorry this is so long, but it is only the tip of the iceberg....I am throwing this out there for any advice you may have...I am lost and I am hurt and I miss my step-dad. I am not allowed to feel unless it is for her-- ONLY.
Thank you for reading.....
jacs
poster:jacs
thread:784918
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/784918.html