Posted by Daisym on January 12, 2012, at 13:59:08
In reply to Re: Happy is hard, posted by emmanuel98 on January 11, 2012, at 19:20:39
After working on this for several sessions now, I've learned that being happy is a trigger that I didn't know I carried. Well, not being happy, exactly, but having someone notice I'm happy and comment on it. There were consequences for being happy and it was part of the beginning of the CSA.
And it is also connected to my inability to tolerate expansive states - too happy or too sad freak me out. Most kids learn to self-regulate because their parents help them with all these big emotions - positive or negative. Mine didn't - so I have a limited emotional range that feels OK - which is not the same as not being able to feel deeply. But anxiety sits on either end of the range so happy is as hard as depressed.
I said I feel like we've just discovered another thing that has been f-up and stolen from me. My therapist said that is why we need to practice experiencing your happiness together. So he wants me to brag more. This is going to be worse than talking about sex!