Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 7, 2011, at 22:52:19
In reply to Re: managing life while in therapy, posted by emmanuel98 on February 7, 2011, at 22:12:04
Thanks, Emmanuel.
I know. This is a HUGE deal. I'm not sure if it is totally holding my life in limbo-- it may be. But part of me feels like I have no "real, substantive" live that I am holding out on.
I feel like before I CAN go on in life, I have to first stop and work with some things-- the conditions that make this transference so intense. My "idea" of "going on" in life would be to move to the next school, the next spiritual community (I mean I have literally considered--as in having contacted them-- living at this community that resides in a castle in the outer Hebrides of Scotland), the next one or two-year project. And in these things, what I want is just a piece of meaning, of purspose, of life, a glimpse of who I am and who I should be, and to touch that longing which haunts me so deeply-- the longing that my therapist brings out to the max.
In one sense, staying with my therapist seems like it puts me in a halted position, as I wrote earlier. But in another sense, it feels like it-- staying still with him here for a while-- is actually sending me at lightning speed toward what I could spend my whole life restlessly seeking but never finding. I think that my obsession with God and with theology/philosophy is *partly because of my own personal issues here. (I say only partly, because I think it is only partly). I think that going to study more of this stuff or God help me, to try to learn how to be of help to others, first requires that I find some deep inner truths for myself with my therapist.
Also, you said your therapist told you that after the first 5 months-- it has been nearly a year for me (6 months off in the middle, but still). I have loved him and longed for him for a whole year. Besides, what if I never could find another therapist who is competent or even if they are competent (which I am sure many are), what if I can't find one to connect with me? (during the 6 month interruption in our therapy, I saw another therapist, who was as far as I know, competent, but we didn't connect on this deep, sacred, most important level). All of these ideas are quite distressing.
poster:Annabelle Smith
thread:978715
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110206/msgs/978876.html