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Re: ? for long term therapy folks... Dinah, Lucie, etc

Posted by annierose on November 7, 2010, at 8:57:17

In reply to ? for long term therapy folks... Dinah, Lucie, etc, posted by workinprogress on November 7, 2010, at 1:11:55

I've been with my therapist for seven years and until last year saw her three times a week, now down to twice (due to insurance and $$ issues). I know exactly how you are feeling in that struggle. And I'm not sure I have words of wisdom that will help because it is still a core issue for me.

My t explains my inner workings as brainwash (she explains it more deeply than that - but that's her simple explanation). It's very hard to trust in the attachment when your past tells you "it's not okay". Also, the more loving feelings I feel towards her increases my uncomfort level when I see her face-to-face. So even after seven years, I still look away most of the time. I do a lot of self-talk, "you are okay, she is on your side" etc. etc.

All that being said, I do find that my relationships outside of the office have strengthened ... or rather I feel more within my own skin and act accordingly. Do you find that any of that has changed for you yet? For instance, being with my parents does not turn me into their scared 7 year old girl anymore. I have dettached from them (which is ironic) in a healthy way since I don't need them or their approval anymore.

My t often suggests that I need to build a healthier internal structure ... that my self-loathing is sabatoging the healthier side of myself. She is big on meditation - which I only enjoy after a yoga class, not alone in my bedroom, although I do "try" on occasion.

I think the intensity of the relationship is an honest outcome of long term multiple sessions a week. Once you begin building more relationships outside of therapy, the intensity will still be there but you won't feel so dependent upon the therapist ... as Dinah puts it ... there are several "legs" on your stool to hold you up.

Not sure if I answered your question or not. I remember telling my t just last week, "I know you are safe and would never intentionally hurt me, but I'm still so uncomfortable here." And my t replied, "that's your fear talking" and when she asks, "what's the worse thing that could happen?" I don't know ... I guess that she could leave me.

It's definitely a long term process to a life long struggle.

 

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poster:annierose thread:968902
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