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Re: I hate him Dinah

Posted by vwoolf on September 25, 2010, at 9:39:46

In reply to Re: I hate him 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on September 24, 2010, at 19:46:55

Dinah, it sounds like a really hard and confusing time for you.

Dropping the number of sessions or, even worse (heaven forbid) terminating, can bring up old feelings of abandonment and cause us to regress.

However I think it's important for you to keep thinking and not acting out.

Your t seems to be doing exactly what he should be doing - standing back and letting you work out for yourself when the right moment is. He will let you stay on two sessions a week if that is what you want, or he will let you drop to one if you feel that is better for you. He's taking his needs and desires out of the equation and turning the focus back onto you.

What is it that you want?

By reacting to what you perceive to be his intentions, and cancelling your session, you are avoiding thinking about yourself.

Having just come through this process myself, I know how I kept trying to fling blame at my therapist for her shortcomings instead of keeping my gaze carefully and firmly on myself.

I think it's important to move very slowly and thoughtfully through these changes. If you have reached the point of wanting to drop to once a week, there must be reasons for it that deserve to be kept in mind. You should hang on to all the gains of your years in therapy, of the ability to think and mentalise and not just react, which you have demonstrated again and again on this board. This is probably the hardest time, but it is when you will discover whether the whole process has been worth the trouble or not.

I hope I am not offending you or annoying you by being so blunt. I have just come through this and see you repeating the mistakes I wish I hadn't made. But perhaps we have to make them for ourselves to learn from them?

As for the reading, why did you bring that back up again now, at this precise moment? It sounds like he has been resisting this for some time, perhaps because he thinks you are trying to label and diagnose yourself and he knows you don't need the labels. I haven't met you but I have been reading your posts for many years now, and I sense that you are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for right now.

 

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