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Re: I hate him vwoolf

Posted by Dinah on September 25, 2010, at 15:43:28

In reply to Re: I hate him Dinah, posted by vwoolf on September 25, 2010, at 9:39:46

Well... the reading and the termination are connected. It's not that I want to drop down to once a week, or at least not all of me wants to. But frankly we're spending time chatting, and that is boring to both of us. Though he won't outright admit that with his words.

We had come up with a couple of different ideas on things we could focus on in therapy. He does believe I have emetophobia severe enough to interfere with my functioning. He's suggested that I go to an EMDR therapist to work on it. I didn't find much value in EMDR, for me anyway, so it's not something I'm really interested in. I think I'd make far more progress with someone I already have a relationship with. He's got the complete wrong idea of what emetophobia treatment is, so I asked him if he'd be willing to review the printout I sent him. There's also a clinician and former emetophobe who is willing to consult with therapists for free, if he still has questions. Though the printout seems pretty comprehensive to me.

In addition, I was going to bring in my DBT videos by Marsha Linehan to see if that was something it would be worthwhile to do.

I did my part. I really feel like if he doesn't do his part, it's because he doesn't really care.

And I suppose he doesn't really. He may not be stupid enough to say that my dropping down to once a week is a good thing, or that it's a positive sign of growth. But certainly he probably thinks that. What therapist wouldn't? And he has no investment besides the monetary in seeing me. It's not like I'm really his therapee daughter.

On my side, there's more ambivalence than I thought I guess. Rational me sees the logical next step as cutting down. Emotional me is definitely bored in session, and I thought was ready to cut down on sessions. But apparently there is a whole lot of abandonment issues even in something I'm asking to do myself. I suppose I wanted him to help me work to find therapy material. Or say that he didn't think I'm ready. Or say he didn't want to see me less often. I don't know...

Plus, when I get upset and he stays imperturbable, I tend to escalate. I hate that I can't reach him.

I know I could handle things more maturely. When I'm operating in my emotional self, I'm not all that mature.

I probably don't often post in that state of mind. In fact, my acting out is almost solely confined to therapy.




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