Posted by Dinah on October 11, 2009, at 14:11:05
In reply to Re: Homely then » Dinah, posted by antigua3 on October 11, 2009, at 11:09:45
The oddest things bring me comfort. :)
Though they all seem to have his being authentic at the core of them. And this from me! I've always been so adamant about preferring my truth beveled and polished. I must really really trust how much he cares for me. I must really feel loved and secure when I'm with him. I don't think I'd like just anyone agreeing that I'm ugly.
No doubt his ideas about attractiveness do pay a role, and I'm positive he'd like me to dress better and wear makeup. But strangely enough, I don't know that he sees me as being as unattractive as he used to see me, even though my looks have gotten worse, not better, with age. But he cares for me now, and sees the inner me as well as the outer me. I used to show him a picture at the beginning of each session of me as a child so that he'd have in mind what I *really* looked like.
I think I see a common theme in my writing. I think perhaps it's not being unattractive that really bothers me, so much as it is being unattractive in the same way as my mother. When I was growing up, everyone said I looked like Daddy. Same dark circles under the eyes, and big ears, and skinny skinny frame. I don't think I'll ever be reconciled to looking in the mirror and seeing my mother looking back. My feelings about her are so mixed and overlaid with things that...
Well, to look like my mother is the worst thing possible to me.
poster:Dinah
thread:920257
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/920499.html