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Re: My therapist said no Nadezda

Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2009, at 12:58:23

In reply to Re: My therapist said no, posted by Nadezda on July 27, 2009, at 10:52:31

You definitely have reason to understand the dynamics involved. Unfortunately. :(

The comment about my flat tone was purely literal. The more I get into my emotional self, my voice does tend to become monotone, and softer. So when I'm saying the most sensitive things, I'm saying it in a hypnotic sort of voice that puts him to sleep. Mind you, staying awake is a problem for him in general. I think he works as much as he can and doesn't take much care to get enough sleep. He says, and I believe him, that his wife complains he can't sit down without falling asleep.

I'm not sure why it didn't seem to be a problem at his second office. Maybe it was the novelty? Or maybe it was because I was his only client those days? But both times I was there I told him that I liked him better there, and it's true.

I know he'll try to stay awake at his regular office. He already tries. He puts B-12 under his tongue for a quick boost. He makes sure he has a vat of coffee at his side. He moves around. I don't see what more he can do. I try to be more entertaining. I try to be louder. Two sessions ago I loudly clapped my hands. I told him my visions of therapy lately have been of me sitting on the floor by his feet, and grabbing his hands and telling him to wake up. And that if his eyelids started to droop *one more time* I was going to do that. But of course I never did get the nerve. I've thought of handing him an electronic dog collar and shocking him by remote whenever he starts to drop off. But I figure that might be a form of aversion therapy. I don't want him to be averse to seeing me.

On my end, I'm not sure how much I can change. I've often wondered if my emotional self is accessed through some form of self hypnosis. Maybe the soft flat voice is indicative of that, and maybe it induces him to enter the same state I'm in.

I don't know. :(

The girlfriend remark I think I can ignore. He's not usually that childish. Or teenagerish I should say. I have to say though that his candid remarks sometimes leave me feeling a bit less esteem for him than I would like. lol.

I looked up my old test results last night, and I'm a bit less upset. While it's true that my last reading was 7.0, the ones before that were in the high sevens and low eights. I'm a bit surprised my internist didn't add a new medication earlier. Stress makes the numbers go up, and stress has definitely been present, even if my binge eating started only recently.

On the other hand, I seemed to have been shocked right out of the binge eating. I'm trying to watch my carbs. And I had my first Januvia without any of the side effects that I read about.

I daresay we'll get through this. We get through everything. But sometimes I think it's a problem on my part to be so attached that I will put up with anything to maintain a relationship. The only thing that will ever make me quit is if he has emotionally left me first. It's a good thing that he is not the type to take advantage of that.




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