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Re: My therapist said no

Posted by Nadezda on July 27, 2009, at 10:52:31

In reply to My therapist said no, posted by Dinah on July 26, 2009, at 14:14:07

Hi, Dinah.

Sorry about this misunderstanding with your T. (I say misunderstanding because I think maybe he's trying to be a bit provocative-- not in a manipulative way, but in the sense of thinking you're capable of dealing with some pushing-- and it may be he miscalculates rather badly and ends up doing stupid things. My T certainly does.) It sounds like one of those bad moments when people are just on very different emotional trajectories and the resulting turbulence throws up a lot of emotional waves.

If I were you-- and really, I'm not sure I could do this-- I"d try to ride the waves, and remember the times that you two were able to make something positive from misunderstandings. It doesn't always happen-- sometimes there are gulfs between people-- and maybe he's trying to become something more (if not entirely different from) your T/M. Maybe he wants to be a better T/M-- and feels that he hasn't quite done you enough good. At least that's what redeems my T from all his misjudgments, misstatements, failures of imagination, and harsh words. I know he's trying his best, even if he's misguided, and occasionally stupid and/or frequently downright mean. (Not to say that it's okay, but I do feel that it was worth it, because of the progress I've made.)

I'm sure he doesn't think you're usually flat-- maybe he was just being defensive-- or saying that he thinks the emotions and energy between you aren't office-dependent, but are connection-dependent. As for the girlfriend, that's utterly silly. I have no idea what he's thinking-- other than the type of thing my T tends to think-- but it's so child-like to say that. I wouldn't take that too seriously-- I'd just say he was having a bad day, and letting himself say things that maybe flash across his mind, but that he himself generally knows are silly and unworthy thoughts.

If you can meet the challenge of the bad office, maybe it will strengthen the sense of being vital anywhere-- of being able to surmount obstacles and make things alive despite them. I do think you can--- and I also hope he'll agree to change offices, if you feel it's safer right now. You can continue in either place, though-- if you don't get too spooked by what happened.

by the way-- I'm concerned about your health. Maybe the overeating manifested itself quickly-- I know they always say to fast before these tests-- and I suspect they're more sensitive to immediate effects than they say. Why don't you talk over with your doctor how you can reverse this? I have a feeling that you may be able to--

I very much hope you're feeling better today.

hugs, Nadezda




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