Posted by Dinah on July 2, 2009, at 0:12:25
In reply to Re: Suddenly develop Dependent Personality Disorde » Dinah, posted by garnet71 on July 1, 2009, at 23:50:08
I *think* what I mean is that good boundaries involve all aspects of knowing yourself to be distinct from others. Part of that is recognizing that someone saying no does not affect you as a person or reflect on you as a person. The "no" comes from them, and involves their abilities and limits, and does not mean anything about *you*.
So my "no" had no ability to make my therapist feel bad about himself, because my no was my no. It didn't change who he was.
I think we think of boundaries as a stop sign. And certainly in therapy they appear to be that. But I think boundaries are more than that. Like cell walls maybe? They have purposes in all directions. They keep stuff out, and they maintain the integrity of what's inside.
Boundaries can be used as a bludgeon, at least it feels that way, when they're used to keep people out. But boundaries don't need to be about keeping people out. They can also be about allowing people to be close and to on occasion permeate those boundaries.
Don't hesitate to ask me more questions. Often I find that if I rephrase things often enough I eventually manage to be understandable. :)