Posted by antigua3 on June 3, 2009, at 22:08:38
In reply to Re: dreams...long on my part sorry » antigua3, posted by rskontos on June 3, 2009, at 17:46:41
What kind words. As I sit here, after a long day of suffering of my own making, it was nice to hear what you had to say.
I'm like you--my dreams are usually nightmares and I don't remember them, just the horrible feelings left behind. I would like to be free of them forever, but there is always fear and terror lurking. What is it? I keep asking myself, but get no answers. I realize now I may never know and it hurts to know that I will, indeed, have to find a way to learn to just live with them w/o them overwhelming my life. Easier said than done, I know.
The consensus on the board seems to be that my pdoc shouldn't interpret my dreams--the whopping three I've reported so far. He hasn't said anything until I pushed him and when my own interpretation put me so dangerously close to the edge. It was a terrible moment. But I see everyone's point and will respect the suggestions offered to me.
Also, it's true, we are probably moving too fast, at my insistence really. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't know what hit him! But we have made some real progress and we work through the ruptures now. I don't run anymore, or attack, after I've opened up, which has been my pattern consistently over the years, and he is more openly caring and supportive. It's hard for me to accept his kindness--it's much easier to reject him, but I'm learning.
This will resolve. For now, the girl is gone and I'm left without my soul. Such damage has been done and you know me, I will work on it until I find peace. I have to have the faith to know that things will be better. But it's so hard to hope.
God, why do I make it so complicated? Why did all these things have to happen to me? Not in "why me?" but as in "how could so many different instances/types of abuse happen to one person?" They're not all connected. Was I wearing a scarlet letter? Sometimes I think so, and I must still wear it.
Thanks everyone for helping me make it through the day,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:899140
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090515/msgs/899304.html