Posted by MollieQ on April 23, 2009, at 10:48:55
In reply to Feeling melancholy, posted by Dinah on April 21, 2009, at 19:07:21
You know, Dinah, one thing that makes *me* feel sad is that in relating the history of past misattunements with your T, you seem to be accepting full responsibility. It is *you* who is hard to understand, odd, hard to like, something of a strange species. I suspect that is how you really see yourself. But I have to say that sometimes I have had the feeling that your T can fall a little short in the empathy department. He doesn't apologize when he might because he sees nothing wrong - although you certainly do, and I'll warrant you would be quick to apologize if you thought you had something to apologize for. I know how hard it can be, how entrenched the habit can be, to drop the view that it is the bad/unpleasant/odd things about us that cause our misfortunes and misattunements with others. Perhaps our idealizations help to keep those ideas firmly in place.
But as you can see (and I count myself as another who came to this site after reading your thoughtful posts), you are widely liked and respected here, your idiosyncracies of thought and character are loved and appreciated here. If you are an "odd little creature," then I find I enjoy and value such creatures and wish I knew more of them.
Please don't think I am trying to diss your T. I know you have a close and rich relationship that is very nurturing. I am only trying to point out that I think you are taking burdens onto yourself that should be shared. If someone finds someone else unlikeable, isn't that a mutual construction? And couldn't it just as well be an empathic failure on the part of the person who is judging, as much as an "accurate" perception of the qualities of the person being judged?
And the fact that you have seen a lot of MH people out there who you didn't like, and vice versa, just bears out that these are mutual constructions. There is nothing wrong with being picky, especially if it is your heart and inner being that are going to be under the microscope and knife. Anyway, most people I know who have gone into long-term therapy (at least if they live in an area where there are choices), have scored a workable match only after trying MANY other relationships, maybe half dozen or more. This is a testament to our uniqueness not (un)likeability. And most people won't like someone who they sense doesn't like them. Again, this is a shared thing, it is not just due to "who you are." There is nothing wrong with who you are.
We like who you are.
Mollie
poster:MollieQ
thread:891996
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/892313.html