Posted by Daisym on April 22, 2009, at 11:27:17
In reply to Re: Feeling melancholy, posted by Dinah on April 22, 2009, at 8:00:08
Dinah,
Sometimes these old wounds come to the surface and we feel all the old feelings again. I think it would be worth asking yourself "why now?" Why are you remembering his mistakes now?
What ran through my mind when I read your "aha" is that some part of you might be scared about how comfortable and close things seem to be. Things are calm and steady and perhaps an old sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop is worming its way in -- you know, things are going too well so it can't last, etc.
I also have to wonder if this is an anniversary reaction of some kind - when was your son born? Or Katrina? Or?
What I would say is that there is danger here in expecting your therapist to remember his mistakes the same way you do. He has moved past it, "all is forgiven" and while he may privately regret it, he may also see it as one small part of the whole, which has grown into something really good. This is my own struggle - wanting those that hurt me to still feel as bad as I do over the hurt. No matter how much regret they express, it is still my hurt. I really do understand wanting a person to continue to be sorry and to feel bad about their hurt or their failures. But not letting go of it, or by reactivating it serves a purpose for you - and usually the purpose it to create something to focus on instead of what is current and fresh.
And - it is painful to really come face-to-face with the fact that our "parents" (in all forms) are human. Ouch.
Just my two cents. I hope you find some sunshine today.
poster:Daisym
thread:891996
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/892138.html