Posted by B2chica on November 19, 2008, at 9:17:15
In reply to i want to have an affair (**Trigger**), posted by B2chica on November 18, 2008, at 8:32:30
i think too i go through bouts of arousal (i think it's medication doing this) and during those times i'm extra emotional about family. i feel a little more calmed down now. but the ache and emptyness is still there.
it just really hurts when i'm depressed and its hard for me to be intimate and all i hear from him is how i NEVER want to do it, then on the other hand he makes comments about my weight (adding to my low self-esteem and body issues), then when i feel better and WANT to be intimate he gets mad whenever i try to initiate.
its like it has to be HIS idea. not just for intimacy but for the second child as well.
what do i do?
and to phillipa, i've thought of counseling but 1)he doesn't think there is any problem, 2)he makes comments about I"M the only one that needs therapy and 3)he'd go in about how much THAT would cost...
at first the economy had him worried, but he even made the comment "if Obama gets in we can have another"...well??
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thank you for your comments Dinah. my DH is scared to death of any responsibility. i had this illusion that when i got married it would be a partnership. it wasn't, his life didn't change at all. did NOTHING around the house, was constantly with friends or out in the garage and that lasted about 7 years until we moved into the house. finally after my (first of many) breakdowns and hospital visits he was forced to take some responsibility around the house. Now after 11 years he's finally helping. its' not that he doesnt like kids, its that he doesn't want the work.
in his world the woman should take care of the house and kids as thats how his family was, except that his mother was a stay at home mom, and i work outside the home so its harder to take care of everything.what scares him? 1)responsibility 2)money 3)his age 4)and i think partly a boy. he loves our little girl SO much and he wants another if he has his choice.
our marriage is not great. he's very immature and i can never talk straight with him. he's always sarcastic or throws jokes. and he over reacts and exaggerates things all the time. very black and white thinking...i would almost say he has BPD as he is also VERY insecure in our relationship...RK i'm glad you said about your DH that he loved your firstborn so much that he was afraid he could not love another child like that. i know that is part of my DH issue also. but also gender issue. i think he's afraid of a little boy. and i KNOW he wants another girl. i think if he could KNOW that he would have another little girl he would have maybe wanted to start trying a while ago.
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thank you ALL so very much for your comments.****************************
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:863752
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/863961.html