Posted by JayJ on October 15, 2008, at 7:18:46
In reply to Re: So scared » JayJ, posted by Dinah on October 14, 2008, at 13:27:22
I'm sorry if I am continuing with this beyond it's use. I guess it's because it echos some of my own work right now, not in the specifics of your "issue", but trying to claw through fragmented memories, and perhaps, as you say memories of memories, to try to figure out the basis of my own difficulties. Of course I'm sure that's what the great majority of us are doing, but for some reason I got caught up by your open and generous description of your problem and then thinking about its possible origins. I guess the specificity of this particular issue makes it seem it should be possible to pinpoint the "cause". However, as I said before I know you have been struggling with this for ages, so the chances of me coming up with any great insight are minimal. Hopefully at least it helps knowing that we are thinking about you.
Now I can see the time frame of the progression of the problem, it changes my thoughts a little, and I understand now that something was clearly there prior to the appearance of your brother. It looks like he just took over and combined the issues related to his appearing on the scene with your pre-existing anxieties to form a full blown trauma that you are still struggling with. From what you say, it sounds like there are two issues to address, the origin of the early anxiety and then the basis for the later "trauma". From what you said initially, it sounds like both are based in inadequate care for you, leading perhaps to a sense of "abandonment" right at the time when a girl can really use a little extra support. To borrow from another thread, could this time frame in anyway have coincided with the onset of your periods and all of those issues? Maybe it's a bit young, but if anyone already has problems with "bodily fluids" I can imagine the onset of menstrual problems might really just add in to top things off.
Part of my previous questions were trying to get at what you felt/feel about your brother. Did you hate him as a usurper but not be able to express it openly? Then perhaps the anger came out focussing on a trait of his that nobody can really like and you had already expressed concern about? It might have been a relatively safe way of expressing your anger/pain and getting back at him, maybe even getting some attention for you, without having to address the real issue directly.
OK, enough - I hope I haven't offended you at all with anything I've said. That would be the last thing I want. Perhaps I'm just stretching my exploring muscles for my own search, but it really is meant with the best of intent for you.
I hope all goes well.
JayJ
poster:JayJ
thread:857131
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857532.html