Posted by Dinah on October 14, 2008, at 13:27:22
In reply to Re: So scared, posted by JayJ on October 14, 2008, at 6:46:33
I don't think I quite understand. Can you give a for instance?
My memories of the dream are by now more memories of memories than memories. I do remember telling my mother about them when I was still trying to explain to her why I was so upset. And I remember they got worse after my brother came to live with us prior to his adoption. He was five or six and I was, I think, ten or eleven. When he almost threw up on me, I had my first panic attack, and things went from bad to worse to even worse until I ended up at the psychiatrist's taking thorazine. But I refused to talk to him about what was wrong because if people were going to be mad at me or not believe me, I wasn't going to tell them the truth. I'd rather they be angry with me for something not true.
I wish my mother would have believed me. It would have been easier to address the problem then, before layers and layers of defenses and dissociation got built piece by piece on top of the basic foundation.
I think my therapist is just now starting to believe me, after all these years. My fault more than his. I guess I still had all those old fears about someone important to me not believing me, or being angry, or laughing or something. It is kind of stupid, really, fear of being around someone who vomits.
poster:Dinah
thread:857131
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857417.html